Ashton Kutcher: Demi Moore will divorce him taking everything he owns, basically all her stuff back. He will then make six Dude, Wheres My Car sequels all entitled, Dude, Wheres My Talent?

Tila Tequila: With all her MySpace fame, she will do absolutely nothing with her career. This is very similar to what she has done up to this point in her life. Eventually, she will die tripping off Toms coattails. The MySpace account Tila Tequilas Ghost will have more friends than her current one has.

Tom from MySpace: Will get jealous of Dane Cook for somehow having more friends than he does. He will then write: MySpace: The Movie. Due to his enormous popularity, the movies producers at Fox will cast Dane Cook to star as Tom in the film.

Tim Burton: Will make another clay-mation film this time resurrecting the careers of The California Raisins. He will get mad when one of the raisins makes fun of his hair. Tim Burton will then eat that raisin.

Derrick from DamnCrackers.com: Will finally find Philomena Boyle after spending his entire life savings (all $13.92 of it) in search of her. He will then join her in her pursuit of ridding the world of thugs everywhere.

Doggy: After becoming so furious with everyone on www.damncrackers.com picking on him, he will go on a shooting spree. Unfortunately, years of drug-induced hazes will affect his accuracy and he wont be able to shoot anyone (most hippies cant shoot anyways). After realizing he cant do anything right in his life, he will spend the remainder of it trying to kill kittens by masturbating constantly. Most of the time, he will masturbate to pictures of Derrick from DamnCrackers.com.

SuperDirty: Will fuck the shit out of Samoa Joe. There nothing else to this, shell just fuck the shit out of that fat fucker. I dont know where you people think Im going with this prophecy, shes just gonna suck on his fat tits, make him bleed milk and fuck the living and dead shit out of his Samoan cock. If you think theres going to be anything else to this, youre wrong. SuperDirty is just a straight whore. She will be in the future as she was in the past and is in the present. Okay, now that youre still reading this, Ill add something else, after fucking Samoa Joe; she will become the new www.damncrackers.com MySpace Whore of the Week.

Chuck Norris: Thinking that after all he has read on the internet about him is true, Chuck will kill himself; believing he has the ability to come back to life. RIP Chuck Norris. Way to take the bullet so we can stop reading all that dumb bo-shit.

Will Ferrell: Get's a cowbell shoved up his. Upon a removal attempt, he dies. This causes millions of people to be upset because they have to change their avatar.

Britney Spears: Will finally realize K-Fed is a loser and divorce him. Though he gets half of everything, she will revitalize her career only to ruin it once again by falling in love with Joey Fatone.

Michael Jackson: Will move to Wyoming where child pornography is legal. Well, at least it should be. I mean, its Wyoming; they need something to brag about.

Matt Stone and Trey Parker: When their South Park money runs out, they will apologize for making Baseketball II.

Richie Sambora: After realizing that David Spade and ex-wife Heather Locklear
are seriously dating, turns to Poison front man Bret Michaels
for advice on coping with exes dating complete douchebags.

Jon Bon Jovi: Will reveal that he has been a woman the whole time
and that his beautiful blonde locks were not just a
mirage.

Emanuel Lewis: Will change his name to Lil' Hammer and move to Oregon to
be the personal priest for that midget family on TLC.

Tiger Woods: Finally will come to realize his full blackness when he beats his
white wife, quits the PGA tour and takes up shootin craps. He will lose all of his major endorsements, but will get signed to be the spokesman of Pimp Juice Energy Drink.

Dave Chappelle: A new season of the Chappelle show will air only the new name of the show will be called Thank you Chris Rock for ripping off Eddie Murphy, who ripped off Richard Pryor. I'm the king Niggard now.

Steve Guttenberg: Upon theater release of the newest Police Academy movie, MTV will finally welcome Das Gutte into their Movie Hall of Fame. The Gutte will then garner the fame and respect he deserves.

Baha Men: Will apologize to the world saying that the dogs were actually hiding under the bed the whole time.

Vanilla Ice: Will go on tour with Larry the Cable Guy. The name of the tour will be called "It Was Fun While it Lasted."

50 Cent: Will die, ironically, after trying so hard to get rich.

Jeff Foxworthy: Will collect all the money he was promised by the other members of Blue Collar Comedy when he first agreed to let them ride his coattails.

Brandon Young: Will finally get laid only to find his wallet $100 lighter.

Gerald Young: Will get drunk and do something stupid and/or illegal.

LTCG: Will trip riding Foxworthy's coattails only to sue him for a
new pair of underwear.

Brian Regan: Will finally get the recognition he deserves and collect a comedy
award presented to him by Jon Stewart. Mr. Stewart will tell
him, "Congratulations on receiving this particular award you
non-Jew." The crowd will go wild when Mr. Regan replies
with, "You too."

Dane Cook: Will finally get the admiration of his peers by telling a joke with an actual punchline.

Carlos Mencia: Joe Rogan will appear on his show. Joe will kick his ass, using his UFC skills, and get him in position to say Tio (uncle en espanol). But, instead of Uncle, Joe is going to make him tell his audience members his real name, Ned. That will not be good enough for Joe as he proceeds to make Ned reveal to every Mexican watching that he is not even Mexican. All the Mexicans will pile into one vehicle, drive to the studio, and ask Ned, "Who you calling Beaner, esse?" They will then join Joe Rogan in the ass kicking. Ned will die which will lead Joe into saying, "Great, now we need to get some Spic and Span to clean up this mess." Joe Rogan will then die.

The Washington Generals: Will finally defeat the Harlem Globetrotters when they realize it's the 21st century and let black people on their team. The Globetrotters will get the last laugh by hiring Steve Nash as their new point guard.

Lindsay Lohan: Will finally eat a fucking hamburger.

Damncrackers.com: Will get their own TV show, but will have to settle for it being on BET.

Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, and the Olsen Twins: Will attach all of their bodies in Voltron fashion to form one normal-sized woman.

Dat Phan: Ten years after winning Last Comic Standing, still has no career and still can't believe he won either.

Ben Affleck: Upset that he isn't getting any good roles anymore, pulls the "I'm friends with Matt Damon" card. This lands him an extra part in 'The Bourne Ultimatum.'