Dear Randal McCloy,

So you are finally waking up from your nap. It has been over 2 weeks since you laid your head down. I hate to break it to you, but dude, you're a lazy piece of shit. I know you will tell your boss some lame excuse like how you got abducted by aliens or trapped in a mine or something made up like that. Let's just face it... you are either really lazy or maybe you are a bear. I am discounting the Bear Theory. I have watched enough Yogi and Boo- Boo to know that they hibernate a lot longer than 2 weeks. If you were trying to sleep because you were afraid of what Ranger Smith would do because you stole 12 other miners' pic-a-nic baskets, you did a piss poor job.

YOU, SIR, ARE LAZY!

I understand that sometimes you might not want to go to work. I would feel the same way if I was a mine worker. I wouldn't sleep for weeks at a time though. You apparently have no problem doing so and must feel like a real rebel to the system. You are not a pioneer though. Hell, you probably stole this idea from watching Peter Gibbons blatantly disregard Lumbergh 's calls in Office Space.

It is rough having to earn a living. We all know this. Yet we all still find the energy to get our asses out of bed everyday and go to the job that we so dread. What makes you so special? Do you think just because you were trapped in a mine for over 40 hours that you should be treated any differently? One time in the first grade some kids locked me in the janitor's closet for 2 minutes. You don't see me sleeping for weeks on end. I suppose you are going to pull the collapsed lung card. Boo-fucking-whoo. I smoke over a pack of Camels a day and I still wake up on time to go to work.

I implore you to get your ass up and support your family. These TV Movies aren't going to write themselves. Do something with your life. I don't know too many people (only about 4) that make a killing as professional sleepers. For God's sake, man...

WAKE UP!

Sincerely,

Gerald Young