I was in the hospital yesterday because my heart was beating abnormally fast. I had chest pains, I Still do. The chest wall on my left side is so tight right now.

I might make mistakes when I am typing this because of the Darvocet and Xanax....Wait, aren't disclaimers supposed to go right at the beginning?

I have been taking Hydroxycut to lose some weight because some people day after day make fun of my double chin. I got this double chin from excessive drinking pretty steadily since I was 18. I am 28 now. I am not an alocholic. College doesn't count. I may have been one then, but everyone was. Now I drink once or twce a week.

I don't eat unhealthy. I used to exercise quite regularaly and then I gave that up until recently. So I started taking these "Fat" pills and even though they are epdhra free, they still have caffeine and what not in them. I wanted to take that little something extra so I won't get really fat because it has been 5 weeks since I quit smoking.

Anyway, like I said, I am a little drugged up and going into tangents. So I woke up after finally getting some sleep (3 hours in 3 days) and a good friend of mine stopped by to pick me up from work. I didn't hear him knock. I ended up waking up an hour late.

I was shivering, quivering, and I felt like I was having a heart attack. I AM ONLY 28 YEARS OLD! My friend takes me to the ER and they hook me up to a heart monitor system. I got the oxygen stuck up my nose. They drew blood for lab tests. They then shoot me up with this stuff that started with an A. after about 2 minutes I had no idea what was going on. Next thing I know they are ripping the EKG tabs off of my hairy chest. It is a good thing I couldn't feel anything.

I AM ONLY 28 YEARS OLD AND I DON'T WANT TO DIE FOR A LONG TIME!

Sure life sucks sometimes. Sure I have had better times in my life. I still take great pride in being able to make people I work with, people on here, friends; and more importantly family; laugh. Humor and music are the only things that get me through each day. My love for those 2 things is so tremendous that I would kill myself if they were taken away from me. That was just a figure of speech.

At least all the tests came back with nothing bad showing. The pain in my chest wall should subside in a couple of days and I am cleared to go back to work tomorrow.

Then I think that maybe it was not the Hydroxycut. Maybe it is the stress built up from not smoking. Maybe it is the fact that I haven't had a serious relationship for over a year. That is the longest time since I started dating. Maybe it was stress from work. Although I don't do anything there. I know there will be more stress because they are going to be changing my job for the next 2 years.

Maybe it is just that my life is missing something. Who knows. Maybe it is because I sometimes regret life changing decisions I could have made different. Not that that matters because you cannot live in the past. I can always go back and finish college. I can always finally get my ass on stage and tell jokes. Maybe that will lead to bigger things. Like writing comedy. I don't need to be the star even though I know I have it in me.

I am sorry to ramble on like this. You know when you have something that happens to you that makes you put life into perspective. I had that again. Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.