hippiesprotest

Hippies Protesting Iraq War Are Killed By Ronald McDonald’s Revenge

   As a self proclaimed asshole and maker of jokes (some funny some lame) I was recently notified via certified letter that I am not able to feel offended by the actions of other people. The letter went on to state that if in fact I do feel offended than I will be subject to a $50,000 fine and/or 50 years in prison.
   The organization behind this letter was non other than the American Crazy Hippy Christian Coalition Dedicated to Peace Love and Homosexuality. The ACHCCDPLH listed the following reasons why I was no longer eligible for offence taking status in the United States: I am a registered Republican, a supporter of the military, not gay or metro-sexual, I believe in capital punishment, I believe main stream organized religion takes advantage of people, I don’t protest AGAINST the War, Bush, World Bank, capital punishment, and the oil industry, I don’t protest FOR Illegal Immigrant rights, rights of tasty animals, environmental issues, renewable energy, the right to wear hemp clothing, gay rights, the right to call Rosie O’Donnell a human being and the right for all Hollywood actors with no education in political science to travel to war torn Middle Eastern and African countries in order to influence their people even though they don’t have a fucking clue as to what is going on in the real world. The last two reasons they gave was because I don’t support an impossible dream of world peace (and for that matter I don’t have 60,000 gay ass bumper stickers about loving animals, world peace and other shit on the back of my car) and I don’t support the burning of the American Flag.
   The list was quite substantial and while I was reading it I began thinking of how there aren’t to many people left who support our country. Everybody wants to go out and protest the war because they think it’s another Vietnam. Thank god most of the protesters are either stupid high school kids who don’t have a fucking clue (or vote yet) or older, retarded people that will never be in a position of leadership at anything they do. I hear people saying that if the war stopped we could use that money to help the homeless or poor. News flash douche bags, if we didn’t help the homeless and poor prior to going to war what the fuck makes you think we’ll start helping them now. Get a grip on reality and once and for all no body cares about the Genocide in Africa. It sucks to say it but nobody does. You can make all the TV ads you want but its not going to change. Even I think that sucks. You have 200,000 people dead or dying and nobody gives a shit, I hate hippies but somehow that is just flat out wrong.
   Did you ever notice that people can burn the American flag on American soil and there isn’t a bunch of pissed off news anchor’s screaming bloody murder but as soon as an American burns somebody else’s flag its racial or ethnic discrimination and labeled a hate crime. That is about as fucked up as the 200,000 dead Darth Darfurians that are rotting in the desert. There is no longer any national pride among the American youth. All they care about is their crappy Emo bands and their hardcore dancing the night away at crappy Emo band concerts.
It seems it is no longer cool to be an American. Back in the day we could walk around other peoples countries and scream, “get the fuck out of the way I’m an American god damn’it,” and people would move. Now, every one is a fucking pussy with the exception of England, Israel, Japan.
   I’m going to close this first addition of my angry article with a little commentary on my favorite hippy protestor, Cindy “the baby eater” Sheehan. I despise what this lady
has done to her son’s name. He had the balls to go and fight and not complain about it and this fucking whore decides to drag his name through the mud by campaigning against our country. First she camps out in front of Bush’s ranch demanding a meeting and, amazingly, she gets it. Apparently she didn’t know what the fuck to say because she left and didn’t seem that mad. Once all the other hippy, liberal protestors got wind of this they started to coach her along on what to say to Mr. Bush and soon she demanded another meeting. Well, needless to say Bush is a little bit smarter than dumb-ass baby eater Sheehan and he said no. I believe I would have said no as well.
   But like any other fucking moron in this country as soon as she got a little media exposure everyone wants to follow her on the big issue of the day. So she manages to get this gather of fucking douche bags to follow her around and make their gay ass signs and sings songs of love. What a bunch of fucking horse shit. Doesn’t this lady realize we live in reality. So what if America stops the war does that mean all the other wars in the world would stop to. No fucking way. I don’t see her crying over the 200,000 Darfurians that were slaughtered, but why should she care.
   I have to wonder, with all these people spending all their time protesting and crying, if they have actual jobs. I wouldn’t hire some asshole that is just going to skip work every time a fucking vegan rally comes to town. Why don’t these people protest something that actually matters instead of the war. They should protest the crappy food at McDonalds that contributes to obesity and all the related diseases that come with. Fat asses die more often than the amount of people killed by the war in Iraq. You don’t see stupid hippies following around fat kids at schools chanting, “why don’t you eat another tub of lard you fat disgusting piece of crap”. They don’t do that because that would hurt some poor defenseless fat kid’s feelings. You know what, fuck the fat kid, I’m tired of my heath care premiums going up because some fat ass can’t get his hand away from the piece of reprocessed meat that is deep fried and meant to taste like beef but actually tastes like a rotten vagina.
   Let’s all go out and protest to help feed the hungry then we can go to Micky D’s and stuff our faces while giving ourselves a pat on our fat, wrinkly, rolly backs. Fuck you hippies, get a fucking life, a job and a fucking education and stop being such fucking hypocrites.

   JimJonesFanClub
   Jonestown Rules