9/11/01
-By: Jon Medina
Today was a tough day for all of us.
Football fans I mean. I walked around with a heavy feeling in my chest for a
good part of the day...... Damn you, heartburn.
This was not your normal
Monday. There was more to deal with than just Monday Night Football. We had
other things on our mind. We had a second Monday Night Football game. On top of
all that, I had to find time to watch Monday Night Raw. Today wasn't easy to
deal with, but it's nothing that evil, red-faced monster couldn't cure. No,
no..... Not Kane.... I'm talking about Vincent Kennedy McMahon. When he's not
busy (allegedly) firing people over their sexual preferences, he helps cure my
Monday blues by doing what he does best. No, not being loud and obnoxious. What
"Vinnie Mac" does best, is he provides us with mindless entertainment, and I
could just kiss him for it. On the cheek. The one on his face.
I tried
watching both football games, but the second one was going so awfully, that a
nap seemed like a better option. So I took one. (Nice job, Raiders. I need a new
favorite team. Any suggestions? They've been talking about bringing football
back to L.A., but the way the Raiders have been playing, it's a wonder they're
allowing football to be played anywhere in California.)
I had a couple
of bizarre dreams while I napped, which made me a little grumpy and groggy, but
as soon as I turned on my TiVo broadcast of WWE Raw, I was instantly cheered up
by the sight of the NYPD officers, firemen and the other New Yorkers at ring
side who were all participating in a moment of silence at Madison Square Garden
before the start of Raw. For all the completely ignorant things that Vince has
been involved in, and Bret Hart knows there have been dozens of them, you've
gotta give the man credit for his love of tradition, which was proven again a
few minutes later, with the arrivals of Ric Flair and Rowdy Roddy Piper. It was
no mistake that the first two segments of the show included those 2 legendary
competitors.
Obviously, for anyone that knows me, (holy crap--have you
seen that new Starburst commercial with the "Jamaican" fellow? Hot damn, that
may be the best ad ever made) there are a few things about wrestling that simply
do not go along with my overall way of living and thought process. Certain
things about it will always make me sick, but the pure joy I get from everything
else, is what makes me come back for more, year after year, week after week.
Here are a few things I hate about wrestling:
The way it has
become a corporate brand that sometimes overshadows the athletes and people
behind the scenes who make the big show come together. Vince McMahon has sold
his soul so many times, he's got Beelzebub on speed dial. And yes, they are
athletes. If you had to pull off some of the stunts that these unsung heroes
(and a couple of zeroes) had to, you'd be in bed for a week, if not longer.
The overuse of women and the overselling of sex. Women were used
sparingly during the early days of the WWE and it worked to the advantage of the
company and wrestling fans alike. Now there has to be a women's match every week
and usually another stunt or humiliating act involving a half-naked woman (or a
group of them) in a completely pointless segment of the program. It makes us
look bad as fans. It makes us look as if we condone a lesser product. I hope
this stops sometime soon, because it's the sort of thing that could eventually
push me away for good.
Hulk Hogan. For a long time, I would get chills
up my spine whenever gramps would show up on the scene, but now, just like the
Hulkster, the shit is getting old ancient. I don't ever need to see this guy
again. Especially if they keep letting him win every match he's involved in.
Just once I'd like to see someone completely dismantle him and leave him in the
ring bleeding. Why does everyone else have to go through this, but Hulk gets to
go on vacation for 3 years and wrestle whenever he feels like it? Sure, he
received a few ass-kickings in the past, but never as much as the rest of the
roster, and not enough recently. It's hard to get your ass kicked when you're
never there.
Bad marketing. I've always known that I could do a great
job in the WWE as a writer or marketing dood. I pay close attention to the
intricacies of the game, the legacy, the talent, and I know what the people
want. They want matches that matter on the free, weekly programs. They don't
want to have to wait until the pay per views to see a title change. This isn't
1986. Much like Koko B. Ware, that stuff is for the birds. It's time for more
title changes. More shakeups. More surprises. More hardcore. Less of the same
ol', same ol'.
So now, you may ask me, "So why do you like it so much?"
It's pretty simple. It's the same reason chicks dig soap operas. The same reason
we go to the movies. The same reason we live and die with our sports teams and
players: It's a release. Plain and simple. Watching wrestling is a pure release
for me. It cheers me up and makes me forget about whatever problems I may have,
and sometimes it makes me laugh, which is always therapeutic. Grapplin' is so
ridiculous sometimes, that it just works. The same reason Jackass works. (can't
wait for that sequel, by the way. Pure, unadulterated bliss/nonsense)
I
will probably always be made fun of by certain people for watching wrestling.
Those people who don't like to see anyone having a good time. Judgemental fucks.
I'm not afraid to talk about my guilty pleasures. Why are you? What are you
trying to hide? If something makes you happy, you should be proud of it, no
matter how embarassing other people may think it is. These are the same people
who make fun of you for the way you dress, the way you think, the music you
listen to, your taste in movies, etc. Usually it comes from ignorance, jealousy.
Who needs opinions from this brand of folks anyway?
I have no problem
with you thinking wrestling is stupid. Hell, even I think it's stupid sometimes.
I just don't understand making fun of someone for watching it. We don't need to
make excuses for the things we enjoy.
To finish this off, I'm going to
pretend that somebody with power is reading this, and I'm going to do something
I don't do very often. I'm going to beg.
You, Mr. WWE executive. I beg
you to do everything in your power to bring The Rock back to the WWE. This man
is electrifying. He changes the entire face of your brand and wrestling in
general. If this guy ever comes back, it will be one of the best days in
wrestling history. And I don't want to see him once every 3 years like Hulk
Hogan. I want him back full time. I want to hear him talking shit. I want to see
him raising the eyebrow (and the bar). I need to see the People's Elbow. So
please, I beg of you one more time. If you want to change the face of wrestling
one more time (with the upcoming debut of Smackdown on the CW, now would be a
perfect time), bring back the Rock. The "people" are waiting. I, for one, am
ecstatically anticipating that wonderful day when Rocky steps into the ring and
says "Finally....the Rock has come back to WWE!!!" I heard that he is no longer
under contract with the WWE, but all of you wrestling insiders probably know the
real scoop. Do you think the People's Champ will ever return to the ring? I'd
appreciate any insight you may have on the subject.
Goodnight and thank
you for letting me rant about one of my guiltiest pleasures. It was fun.
Hopefully it didn't feel like "Hell in the Cell" for you.
DamnCrackers©2006