"The Kanye West Interview starring Jon as Kanye West."
-Incase you don't understand from the title, Jon has taken out Kanye's answers and replaced them with his own.
What were you doing five years ago?
I was really busy loving me some me
and what not, but to a much lesser extent.
Could you envision the kind
of success you're enjoying today?
Of course, man, I'm bigger than the
Beatles, wrestling, Jesus and breast implants combined. Even back then, I knew I
was gonna be the greatest of all-time, no disrespect to Muhammad Ali, but....naw
man, fuck Ali, I'm better than Ali and I'm much prettier. I make Michael Jackson
look like Michael Bolton.
Maybe you should get together with Michael
Jackson and produce his comeback album.
I don't know man, that might be
too much for the World. We might just melt your ears when you hear that shit.
Would you do it?
Melt your ears? Of course, man. I'm so close to
achieving that technology anyway. Watch me now!
You must approach your
work a bit differently now that you're so big.
Not really. I just keep
making the best song ever every time out. My next album will probably have like
6 songs vying for the title of greatest song ever, minimum. Like on the last
album there was only 4, but Gold Digger was the greatest song ever made for
sure, until my next album comes out of course.
"Gold Digger"? Really?
Did you think that the beat with the big Ray Charles sample was too obvious?
It was obvious that it was going to be the bestest song ever made, be a
huge hit, make me a lot of money and make me love me some me a little more often
than I already did previous to that.
What do you think of hip-hop
nowadays?
If you consider me a part of hip-hop, then the shit is better
than it's ever been, son.
You seemed to take in stride losing the big
awards at this year's Grammy's. But did you freak out afterwards? Throw a deli
tray? Fire somebody?
Naw, I don't trip on that shit anymore. Jesus
called me after the Grammy's last time and said "Don't sweat it, duke....all the
right mu'fuckaz know that you're the greatest to ever bless the mic, so just
keep on doing what you doing, bra'." Oh, and then he named me the new Jesus.
Recognize.
You're working on a Common record now, right?
I'm
trying to convince Common to let me rap on as many tracks so he can sell more
records.
And...?
Well, he was like, "yo, K, that shit would make
people's brains just explode, kid....let's just give 'em a little dose.... And I
guess he doesn't want to be one of my disciples or whatever. I guess he thinks
it's pretty cool that he can go to a grocery store and not be recognized by
everybody and people not bowing at your feet and stuff...what a loser.
So when is the next Kanye West album coming?
You will know it is
here when everybodies ears be melting. You can only listen to part of the shit
at once or you will face the ultimate consequences. So listen to like a third of
an album per sitting. You've been warned. Let me spit you a couple lines I wrote
for it.... "Love me some me, me me me, Jesus is free and now he is me, so watch
out for me, 'cuz I'm the greatest like Ali, okay, I'm better than Ali, because
I'm me me me, ugh." Are you feeling that or what?
Those are a few good
bars, there.
Fuck yeah, they is. Are your ears working okay? Hello?
Hello?
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DamnCrackers©2006