"MySpace at Work"
-By: Jon Medina
Whoa this is like that one wet dream I
had where Betty White shot me repeatedly with a super-soaker, but better. Okay,
not better, but this feels more like reality. Did I mention Betty White was
naked? And 90? You say "yikes", I say "yummy".
MySpace is working at
work! But as you can see, I am not.
Usually, all I can do is read my
blog from work, and once I try to do anything else, I get a huge stop sign that
makes me feel like Michael Jackson must when he tries to enter Legoland.
But not this time, baby. This time I am typing. I am blogging. Even when
I'm blogging about nothing (which I'm doing right now, in case you couldn't
tell), it's still better than any blogging I do from home and any other
activities I could be doing in the workplace, such as......working.
Maybe I'll fill you in on all the things I've done since I got here:
2pm-3pm: Came into work ten minutes late again....nobody noticed. Killed
2 flies and one of the dishwashers. Again, nobody noticed. Got something to
drink probably about 4-5 times. 3 sodas and 2 waters I'm guessing. Definitely no
vodka....that would be illegal. And wrong.
3pm-4pm: 3-4 shots of vodka.
4pm-5pm: Walked around the property with a very serious look on my face,
to appear as if I was in deep thought and/or on my way to do some serious
business. I was probably on my way to get something else to drink again. I've
been so busy doing nothing all day, that I haven't even done a crossword puzzle
yet. This is the life. It may sound sad, but hey, I'm happy....that's all that
matters to me. The rest of you can burn in hell!
5pm-6pm: Sat in office
and wept, wondering why I have no friends.
6pm-7pm: Actually got some
real work done for like 15 minutes. After that I went back to being a stupid,
lazy American. That's what I do best. I'd sleep if I could get away with it, but
that would be really stretching it. I'm usually happy if I can simply look up
football scores, but this is that rare day when I can do whatever I want and
nobody seems to notice. I feel like I'm trapped in Office Space. Ah, what a
beautiful place to be stranded. Someone get me a fax machine to break.
7pm-8pm: Ate some fried chicken strips and thought about how I would
explain this to Brandon Young. We're supposed to be running in a marathon about
14 months from now. Don't tell on me. I'm on a "diet". No, seriously, I still
cheat every now and then, but I have dropped some weight and feel so much better
than I did a few months ago, but I could do better. I'm trying to get off the
soda full time, but that's like expecting me to have a full time job and
actually WORK full time. Yeah, right.
8pm-9pm: Found out MySpace was
fully operational in my workplace for at least the time being; Was fired when I
found out the hard way that one of my blog subscribers is the general manager.
DamnCrackers©2006