I was going to do my full Fall TV Preview Spectacular tonight, as I was bored for a good portion of my 14 hour shift at the dungeon, but our version of "comic book guy" was feeling lonely and equally bored I'm assuming, because he wouldn't leave me alone for the last couple hours. So I decided to give you just a little taste of my candy. I hope you don't get any comedy cavities.
Fall TV Preview: Sunday
Grey's Anatomy returns with a bang. I was hoping it was a gang bang, but that was when I thought it was called Gay's Anatomy. I'm a bit disappointed, but Grey's will have to do. Is it Erin Grey's anatomy? That I like..... I hear the first episode is a slice of pure heaven. A mother comes in with her son, who is feeling the ill effects of eating one too many anchovies on a pizza his family ordered the night before. When the young boy dies, Patrick Dempsey consoles his mother by banging her repeatedly while Billy Ocean songs play in the background.
New Show alert!!! Brothers and Sisters, y'all. No, this is not that new "diverse" show on the WB. The WB has gone the way of the Crystal Pepsi, kiddies. It's all about the CW now. But this show is on ABC, home of the dancing ex-would-be stars of failed tv shows. This show actually looks pretty good. Nice cast. Balthazar Getty, Ron Rifkin, Rachel Griffiths, Sally Field and I think Ken "Must be fortysomething by now" Olin is producing. I'm not sure if the first episode is going to lure viewers in though. Apparently Calista Flockhart decides whether to eat a pork chop or not for almost the entire hour until a dancing baby comes into the room, distracting her. Turns out the dancing baby is actually Chucky, who ties her up and makes her eat the "other white meat".
America's Funniest Home Videos.......is still on the air. Oh, christ.
The War At Home.....still feels like hell to watch.
On 60 Minutes, Andy Rooney announces "You ever notice I should've been fired like 600 Minutes ago?" and then spontaneously combusts. Ratings are at an all time high until it's revealed weeks later that it's all a part of some new David Blaine magic special. Damn you Blaine, damn you to hell.
Sunday Night Football ratings get lost in the switch from ESPN to NBC, prompting the peacock network to pit John Madden and Al Michaels against each other in a fight to the death. After hearing Madden say "boom" for the twentieth time in 3 minutes, Michaels pours his urine thermos into the big guy's eyes and says "I've always hated Brett Favre, too, you fat cunt!"
Family Guy.......still not as funny as South Park.
I heard this season of the Simpsons could be the best one in years, but does it even matter at this point? They could animate Matt Groenig taking a crap and put it on the screen and we'd still watch....Hey! Who said "he already did that with Futurama???" Fuckin' naysayers....
And finally, CW makes a statement in straying as far as possible from the old WB/UPN formula by having......a night of mediocre black comedies, and no, I'm not talking about Fargo. Everybody Hates Chris is the best of the bunch, but the rest of the shows make Yes Dear seem tolerable. Dave Chappelle, America needs you now more than ever.
DamnCrackers©2006