Bachelor Party (1984)
Starring: That Tom Hanks guy from Bosom Buddies
Surreal Life's Tawny "I was hot in the 80s, but Brandon Young would still do me now" Kitaen
Adrian Zmed (One of the other guys from TJ Hooker who wasn't Captain Denny Crain Kirk)
Some dude that looks like Johnny from The Karate Kid
Some dude that looks like this professor (Dr. Cook) I once had at Central Michigan University
A Cast of Nobody's
Director: Neal Israel (This guy directed a couple of episodes of The Wonder Years)
Plot: The name of the movie is Bachelor Party; you figure out the plot you knucklehead. First off, I need to
state that Tom Hanks' character is a Catholic school bus driver and he's engaged to an Aristocratic
hottie. That's another story of its own on how they came to meet I'm sure. Basically, the gay guy from
Philadelphia's childhood friends decide to throw him a bachelor party. The dude that looks like Dr. Cook
(Gary is his character's name) tries to get them hookers, but fails miserably. That dude that looks like
Johnny (Billy Zabka) from The Karate Kid is still in love with that chick from the White Snake videos
(and who can blame him). This jerk-off totally cock blocks the guys by sending the hoes to White Snake's
bachelorette party (they call it a bridal shower; probably because they wanted to make a sequel called
Bachelorette Party). Anyways, the chicks want to get even with the guys for having for ordering a bitch
and a striz so they decide to go to a strip club. The bartender at the strip club is friends with Joe from
Joe Versus the Volcano (probably not in real life though) and tells Kip "Buffy" Wilson and his buddies
about the chicks being at the dick bar (if strip clubs for men are called titty bars, I'm calling strip clubs
for women dick bars). I'm still trying to figure out how the bartender knew the number to the hotel that
Turner from Turner and Hooch was staying at. If he were such a good friend of his, you'd think he'd be
invited to the bachelor party. Anyways, the guys get the chicks good in a great scene that you will have to
watch for yourself. After all that nonsense, the guys go back to their hotel room and throw a huge ass
party. Zaniness ensues and fun is had. Tawny Kitaen crashes the party dressed as a hooker (you'll have
to watch it to see why) and tries to fool Tom Hanks. It doesn't work. The party gets broken up by the
police and everyone scatters. In the end, Tom and Tawny get hitched and all is well.
Favorite Part: Most people would probably say anything about the donkey doing all those drugs. Drugs aren't for
me. I'm not totally against drugs. I'm cool with anything that betters my odds at getting laid. Other
people might say when the chicks go to the strip club for women. These people are either women or
secretly gay. But my favorite part is Gary thinks he's talking to a hooker at the party. She starts
naming off a bunch of stuff he thinks is sexual and has never heard of. Anyways, after she says all
this stuff, he clearly says the greatest quote of any movie I have ever heard: "Whatever happened to
hand jobs?" And this got me thinking, "Yeah; whatever did happen to hand jobs?"
Review: A must see if you or one of your douche bag buddies are getting married anytime soon.
Recommendation: You should watch it.
