On Thursday, February 8, 2007, Anna Nicole Smith died from a possible drug overdose. This comes just months after her son Daniel died of a drug related heart attack while Anna was in some hospital in the Bahamas, or something, giving birth to an illegitimate love child.
Early tests from the coroner’s office revealed a possible fatal mixture of Trim Spa and Semen. However, it could take months for the official results to be revealed.
Smith was born Vickie Lynn Hogan in Texas on November 28, 1967. She dropped out of high school in 11th grade after getting into a fight with another girl over who lived in the better double wide. Soon after this, she got a job as a waitress working at Jim’s Krispy Fried Chicken. However, with Smith’s natural talent and profound IQ she quickly moved up to the rank of grill man. She was later fired for molesting drum sticks.
Soon after this in 1985 she married a 16 year old fry cook, Bill Smith. She quickly gave birth to her first child Daniel before divorcing 2 years later. The divorce papers cited as the reason for the divorce, “Irreconcilable trailer park arguments and in general being a whore.” Bad luck and a bad situation could not stop Anna Nicole Smith. She did what any self respecting, young single mom would do, she became a stripper. After being discovered by a Playboy talent scout while dancing at “Rod’s BYOB Nudey Club”, Anna posed for Playboy in 1992. She was quoted as saying, “I can’t believe they could air brush all my herpes spots off like that.” This was just the beginning and in late 1993 she became Playmate of the Year.
Her next big opportunity came in the form Guess Jeans. She received a lucrative modeling contract and was featured in TV commercials, billboard ads and magazines. She was once again quoted as saying, “I’m so glad to be a Guess model, there health program finally got rid of my syphilis once and for all.”
Anna decided to take another crack at marriage. In 1994 she married 84 year old oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II. After his death she started a desperate court battle for Mr. Marshall’s estate. She was originally awarded $474 million, but after she was overheard vowing to spend it all on Pain Killers, Tasty Cakes and liposuction, the court overturned the verdict and new court date was in the process of being scheduled.
Reality TV will never be the same and Trim Spa is in the process of finding a new spokes person. Trim Spa founder had this to say, “Well, it can’t be that hard to find some other fat girl with a retarded looking face to lose a couple pounds.” No longer can the world look forward to Anna’s drunken escapades at Hollywood Award shows, and her willingness to whip out her saggy, pale breasts will never be forgotten. It is also worth adding that her breasts fought Godzilla in the 1997 Japanese remake of Godzilla vs Mothra.
Anna Nicole Smith is survived by an infant daughter or son, no one really paid attention to what it was, everyone was focused on her 21 year old son having a heart attack. Her funeral will be held at "Rob’s BYOB Nudey Club" and all donations to the family should be sent to the Jenna Jameson School for Pole Dancers. A memorial service will be held there on February 14 2007 from 2:00PM to 2:00AM in commemoration of her shift at Rob’s BYOB Nudey Club.
-JimJonesFanClub
DamnCrackers©2007