Every morning I must take the elevator to get to my beautiful square death box reserved just for me on the 6th floor of the office building. And every morning someone pisses me off by pressing the first floor button on the elevator and these people aren't in wheelchairs, they aren't on crutches, and the stairs are a mere 10 feet away from the elevators. Most of these people are overweight slobs who feel the need to ride the elevator up one floor, while complaining that McDonald's and their genetics made them fat. Maybe it is your genetic make up, not so much as making you fat, but making you so lazy that you can't walk up 20 steps to get to your cubicle that you will sit at all day without even budging while you eat the whole pizza you just had delivered from the pizza shop across the street. These type of people make me sick. Go on your talk shows, tell them how your momma was fat and her momma was fat and everyone else in your family is fat. Well it doesn't take Maury or Montel to figure it out, your fucking lazy! I bet these people are even going to start a petition to get voice commands in the elevators so they don't have to burn that extra calorie while they push the button with the big 1 beside it.

We must stop this from happing and it must be cut off from the source, which is people using the elevators to go one floor when the stairs are in visual distance(I know this isn't the reason, but it is fucking lazy). The proposals are as follow:

-Though this would make my mornings a little bit happier, it is not a possibility. People needing to get to the 1st floor from the 10th floor would have to get off on the ground level and walk up the steps. Well that isn't that much of a problem; actually it is more of a positive aspect. The downside is people who cannot walk, stand, and those on crutches. It's always the cripples that bring down a good idea!

B. We allow only people with "real" disabilities access to the elevator for these floors. (When I say people with real disabilities I don't mean those people you see parking in the handicapped parking spots in their Mazda Miata, who jump out of the car with more ease than me getting out of a truck. I mean the people with no legs and one eye who can't afford a wheel chair so they take a regular chair, cut the legs off, and duct tape it to a stray dog.)

-Again this makes sense; they already have a special pass for parking and using the toilet, why not just incorporate those together with elevator access. It sounds good in theory but lazy people are crafty. They will do anything to get out of doing something else. My guess is they will hire a handicapped person to get their first floor elevator privilege. My other guess is that they will lie in wait for a handicapped person to get on the elevator and then jump on at the last second, let out a deep, "take that retard" laugh and get off on the handi-priviledged elevator floor.