gaypride

So I want to write about something, but then again I don't. I guess you could consider what I am doing now writing about something, something very boring. Which is me just sitting at home looking for something to do that costs next to nothing. Oh yeah, I just remembered the gay pride day is going on today. Fucking parades and stuff, yeah that is something I could do. It is actually why most people are staying inside today, I believe. You know those gays, they sure do like to pickpocket, rape and murder. Well, just the rape part actually. I guess I could come up with something from that to write about, you know the gay days. Maybe I should go take some pictures and return, but no. I am lazy today, and really do not feel like getting the once over by a guy. That isn't my cup of super-homosexual tea bagging. Maybe I will go make fun of the un-heterosexuals. Not because they are gay, but because they are celebrating their gayness. When is heterosexual day? When is the day I can go outside and watch a parade full of hot ladies drive past and yell sexual calls at them without getting the harassment speech from every cop and women's rights group in the city?

I want to start a day for us homosexual challenged. For us opposite sex fucking, non-lisp talking, ass is an exit only Americans. It will be a day of one color and one color only. This color will be white(due to water making it see through). There will be no rainbows, no pots of gold and no belly shirts on men. We will not have man cheerleaders, baton throwers and skin flute players. All bands in the parade will not play when the Saints Come Marching In, nor will they play anything from Celine Dion. Everyone will wake up on this day and just throw on whatever is laying on their floor at the time. If there is nothing on the floor then they must dump everything from their dresser/closet onto the floor and grab at random. No hair will have gel or hair spray in it. There will be no "product" in anyones hair, no exceptions. And no man will have the front of their hair spiked up higher than the rest of their hair and a popped collar, this is a mandatory thing. You may not attend heterofest if your hair is forming a wall where the bottom part of the wall is your forehead and the top part is your hair and by God if someone has a popped collar they will be forced into the middle of a heterofest moshpit while Slayer is playing.

Heterofest will be a joining of the masses where butt sex is not allowed and Elton John is unheard of. Where you won't hear, "he has a nice ass" from anyone but a female, and even in cases like this there must be no men in the conversation group that the women are saying this is in. This day will be a place that you can talk about things such as cars and football . . . guns and fat chicks you fucked in the past and still regret. Heterofest will not promote the protesting of anything and any hippies spotted will be allowed in, but only with 2 references from someone currently serving in the military. There will be no debates on government or politics during this day. But only debates on whether the Steelers can retain their supremacy this season or if a dry wall screw is really far superior to a nail. Other debates will be allowed, but must be brought before the Hetcouncel before they can be debated.

Oh yes, I have a dream my straight friends. A dream that someday us straight people will have a day for ourselves. A day where we can walk outside without our shirt tucked in and a belt matching our shoes. A day where we will be accepted even though we don't masturbate to pictures of someone from the same sex as our own. A day where we are allowed to wear a shirt to the bar that isn't a button down.

Oh yes, I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." Not that all men are created with a banana republic shirt and a popped collar.

I have a dream today!

A dream that men and women will not have to worry about how pink their shirts are, or how tight their butts are. That one day this great land we live in will accept us and our heterosexual tendencies.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight. And the crooked places . . . made straight.

I have a dream today!

Join me my fellow man and women in creating a day when we can show our true selves and do not have to live in the tool shed all of our lives wondering if it is okay to come out. If society will accept us the way our God has made us.

My fellow Hets, we will have this day and it will be glorious.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate gay people. The reason; I don't know them good enough yet, and I don't want to know them. Live your life, I'll live mine, but dammit, celebrate something actually worth while. I'm straight, but you don't see me marching down the street to let everyone know it. They already know it by my mismatched socks, black shirt and blue pants and brown shoes.

This parody is not to mock The Dr. King Jr's speech in anyway. Dr. King Jr. was a great man who accomplished many things, if you do not agree please find a bridge and use it to better society by jumping off of it.
Link to Dr. King Jr.'s biography