Top 10 Most Kick Ass Jobs

8. Veterinarian- This job reaches the top 8 due to its role in killing animals. I know what you are thinking, you are saving more animals than you acutally kill. Well if I were a veterinarian I would just tell everyone, "I'm sorry, but <insert animals name here> must be put to sleep, there is nothing we can do but end its life, and... we already did that, so here's the body." I don't even care if they brought it in for a check up, I would still kill it. I hate animals that aren't my own, they waste valuable resources such as dead horse meat that could be given to starving countries. Hell, now they even make animal food out of beef. There are probable many people that will get upset about this, well boo hoo, your animal sucks. You may as well just take a dump on the floor and call that your pet because it does all the same things as a pet. It lies there and smells like shit.

7. Crocodile hunter- This has to be in the top 8! Getting paid to go out and beat the shit out of some animals. I don't mean no sissy Steve Irwin crocodile hunting, I mean going out, beating the shit out of some animals then slicing their necks and selling their hides for money. We don't need crocodiles, it's not like they're endanged. And just imagine how wet that chick would have gotten at the party last week if when she asked you, "what do for a living", you said, "I hunt crocodiles, no seriously, I face rape crocodiles" and then showed her some pictures of you giving a croc the ole' donky punch.

6. President- This makes the list for one reason only. Because it would mean you are "the man", and the only reason this would be a good thing.....what do hippies and punks hate more than anything, "the man". I would run for office, win by getting every electoral vote possible and my inaugural address would be one sentence, "fuck you hippies, you got owned!" I would not want this job for anyother reason. I thought about it and there isn't anything else this job has that would put it in the top 8 except hippies would protest something because of you. And if they didn't I would open up oil drilling in the Alaskan refuge and if that wasn't enough I would make August 9th a national holiday, that is the day Jerry Garcia died. That would surely make them have a sit in.

5. Professional Cockblock- When I see someone get cock blocked a part of me wants to point a finger and laugh. And then the other part of me points a finger and laughs. Just imagine getting paid to go around cock blocking people all day long, what could be better? People would be hiring you to piss off friends, I can think of a few people right now I would pay to see cockblocked. And hell if your an actually professional at it, you get to go home with the girl who the cock-blockee was just talking to, so choose them wisely.

4. Microsoft Chairman- Bill Gates is so rich he could buy Afganistan and still have money left to buy the Cayman Islands and Burmuda. Who the hell would need all this money? Me........I'd buy as much of Canada as I could with 26 trillion dollars and rename it The United States Of America, Part II. Ohh man would that piss them off, I can just imagine it now....

3. Gynecologist- No not for the reason you think I picked it, it is along the same lines as the veterinarian. This choice is here to help save the world from another annoying little spawn of satan. I hate kids, they serve no purpose(except to repopulate the world, but the world will be dead soon anyways). There are enough people on this planet already, actually there are too many. Without kids I wouldn't have to read another, "my child is an honor student at <insert under financed learning establishment here>." Without kids there would be no pg-13 movies, disney wouldn't exist. I wouldn't have stop for another school bus as long as I live and R. Kelly would cry. This list could go on and on. I am sure you could list some yourself no matter who you are, I guarantee you can think of one positive aspect of having no more children, ever. Just think about it.

2. Astronaut- "What's so cool about being an astronaut?" It's the obvious, kicking space creatures asses. Everyone knows that you score extra cool points for beating the shit out of an animal from another planet. "That's stupid, this list sucks!" You don't like that answer, well let me answer that this by using one word, pussy. Or dick if you are a women, but I'm not so it's going to be pussy. All these guys have their pick up lines, "I'm senator", "I look like Brad Bitt", "I make $200,000 a year", "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico." Well lets see them beat this one, "I walked on the moon."

1. Pope- Well this is an easy one. You're God's right hand man, or maybe his left hand man, I think Jesus gets the honor of being his right hand man. Someone messes with you, who's got your back, God. Someone shoots at your tupperware car, who's got you back, God. Someone spits in your Grilled Stuft Burrito that you just got from Taco Bell and there are actually no hairs in, who's got your back, God. Amen.