Hello, old and new readers. How are you?
That's great to hear. It really is. Seriously. Honestly.
I'm being sincere. For realsies.
I'm
glad you asked. Really. Truly. I am. I didn't think you cared, but that could
just be the negative vibes passed onto me by this pathetic emo kid I just saw at the
grocery store. In case he's reading: don't worry, little buckaroo, the little dividers
at the check out line think you should end it all too. Honestly, they
have a happier outlook on life than you, and they are merely inanimate
objects that make sure my steak doesn't touch the tampons of the fat
lady behind me. Why she put her tampons down first, I don't know. Maybe
she was proud to be a woman and wanted me to hear her roar. Well, she
roared. She roared so much, that the thought of her engaging in the
application process made me want to listen to a Sunny Day Real Estate
CD and off myself too.
Ok, that mini-rant is over. Back to your question.
I'm doing pretty well. Football
season is just around the corner and that makes me happy. It cheers me
up because it gives me a purpose for being a total lazy swine on the
weekends. It's like I achieve something by sitting/laying on a couch
watching every play possible. I am a remote control master during
football season. My timing is impeccable. I never miss a play. Don't
believe me? Come over sometime and I'll prove my worth. However, you
need to bring the beer. Pacifco is preferred, but Beck's will do.
That is my fee for letting you be in the presence of such a
professional. I can't wait to be even lazier than I am now. I guess
I'll have to wait a few more weeks.
Whore season is year-round though. That is why you are here, right?
Probably
not. You probably just saw a link on a MySpace bulletin I sent you, and
being the curious little monkeys that you are, you clicked. You saw
that I was being all sweet, moderately, yet, smoothly sardonic and nice at the beginning, so you continued
reading. You got past the fat chick buying tampons/emo kid/football
space filler and
here you are. I'm really surprised that you made it past the "fat
tampon buyer/emo kid" part, but hey, just like emo kids, fat chicks bleed
too.
Bring out the whore!
Whoa! Ok, bolded, italicsized, underlined, size 7 font...I will. Shit! Calm down!
Putting
an exclamation point after saying, "Calm down" is somewhat humorous.
However, talking to font is just Gnarls Barkley crazy. At
least to me, but I have been awake for over 24 hours now. For those of
you that live in Oklahoma, 24 hours equals one whole day. Damnit, I
keep forgetting (on purpose) that I live in Oklahoma.
Nice curtains. What, are you 6?
Usually
we come up with monikers for all of our WOTW's. Not this week. I am
training my laziness skills for when football season arrives. Oh yeah,
nice callback on my not so humble behalf.
I will give you some background info on her. You can follow along if you'd like. Here's her profile.
Before I bestow her bio
upon you, I'd like to add another space filling photo. Why? Because you
are curious little monkeys (another sweet-ass callback), and curious
little monkeys love pictures. I only wish I could make this kind of
like a pop-up book. Believe me, if I could somehow make a pop-up
computer monitor, I would. How fucking rad would that be? Your browsing
the best free porn site on the net, and then BOOM! Vag, right in your
.
Miss. Piggy had bigger tits than you. Wait,
you're not Miss Piggy are you? You kinda
look like her.
I guess I'll give her a nickname after all.
Truth be told, I wasn't practicing my laziness earlier. My laziness is
just a God given gift. I can turn it on and off as I please. I was just at a loss as to what to call her.
Miss Piggy is perfect. I'll get to her bio in a second, but first look
at the similarities.
Oh, Kermie. Give me that green cock.
Compared with:
Oh, Kermie. Give me that green cock.
Pretty freaking eery.
I
had to look up "Eery" to make sure I spelled it correctly. I know it is
only four letters, 2 of which are a motherfucking (/end Samuel L. Jackson voice in my head) "e," but WhiskyTangoFoxtrot? Fine, enough
semantics. I suppose I should finally tell you all about the
wonderful world of Miss Piggy.
Nah,
I feel like doing some exercises in laziness. How can I be ready for
the official opening day of football if I don't have a preseason? I
hope I don't get injured like my favorite player in the NFL, Clinton
Portis. How could you not love Clinton? If you are not familiar with
the crazy antics of Mr. Portis, I urge you to take a look at this page. R.I.P. Southeast Jerome.
Thank you for reading my portion. Time to douse
myself in Gatorade and call it a day. I'm going to hand this off to the damndest cracker of all time, Derrick. Kick some ass, D. Convert this 3rd and 3.
Blue 42, Blue 42 hut, hut. What the hell am I doing? I am
using football terms in the WOTW, is what I am . . . was doing.
Gerlad got me started on it, and no that isn't a typo on my part.
Gerlad is the name that we gave him. We being me, and gave
him being once I mis-spelled Gerald as Gerlad and ever since that is
what he gets called. I
guess I should change the font color here so the peoples out there in
Damn Crackers land know that is it now me, Derrick, who is going to
finish up this whore. If this all seems familiar it is because we
did this last week too . . . we double teamed the whore of the
week(WOTW) and I love going last because then I don't have to search
out a whore, which if you haven't tried it, can be very difficult to
find one that is just right. Thinking about it, I didn't even
look at the profile for her yet, so I don't even know if he picked a
good one out. He could have left me with something like last
week, which was a profile void of just about anything I could use.
I am going to check now.
OH YEAH!! There is actually some info in this whore's profile. On to the dick making.
"Be honest in everything you
do no matter what it is!!!!!And Just a FYI for all you guys out there I
am taken by Ash!! So sorry guys but he is my man and I don't need any
other."
Fuck
I hate these Whores. They always say, "I am taken already!"
or "I'm a lesbian" or "Andy Reid has all ready been here."
All they are doing is setting up guys to want to talk to them
more. It is the first trick of the whore. It lures you in
with the temptation of breaking some magical bond that she shares with
her "man" or the same sex. Well people, if she was so into her
man she wouldn't be putting up the pictures that she does.
Andy, I didn't call her that. It was Gerlad. Go tell him
about it. Damn, just chill the fuck out man, she's a puppet.
Anyways, back to her profile.
"Not to mention I dought any other guy could get me as well as he can and no I am not about to let any other guys try."
See what I meant by the first
trick of the whore. Here it is again, but this is the backing to
the first part of the trick. She says, "I dought any other guy. .
."
Right there half the guys are going what the fuck is dought?
Well I didn't know either, so I looked it up. The defintion means to have worth, or to be able. I think she just meant to say, "I'm a stupid retard short and stout. Here is my vag hole, here is my slightly smaller than a chimp brain." Well lets just take a stab in the dark that she actually meant, "I doubt any other guy could get me as well as he can . . ." if that is what she meant then I am sure half the guys out there are saying, "shit bitch, I's ain't
like no other'a man. I's hit you right da first time." The
way she says it is playing on a man ego, and that is the first trick of
the whore. Never fall for it.
"Now girls that is different. If any girls wanna play feel free
to let me know and don't forget to let me know if it is just me you
want or Ash too."
The second trick of the whore.
She acts like a lesbian. The reason: men love lesbians and
women know this. For them to get the max amount of e-attention
they have to pull the bi/lesbian bit. Even outside of cyber space
whores pull this trick to get more attention even when they are not
lesbians. Only true whore masters can pull off the
double-lesbian. What does that mean? It means only the
skilled whore masters can pull off saying they are not lesbians and
getting attention from both teams. Explained even more,
they makes both lesbians and men want them and give them
attention. Where as the whores that pull the lesbian bit are only
getting the men to succumb to their trickery.
"Ash baby, not only do I miss you but I LOVE you too, and will see you soon.AHuges and Kisses"
Pretty much still part of the
first trick. Acting unavailable, when they are clearly wanting to
fuck anything that can stay erect long enough to transfer their
signature STD to. Yes if you didn't know it, all the good whore
masters have their own STD. Just like cats, they mark their
territory. It is their calling card, their MO. Which by
coincidence is the 3rd trick of the whore. They reel you in with
their innocence and tag you with doctors visits and, "it's all about
suppression" for the rest of your life.
"Okay about me I am 24, blonde, and spend most of my time at work or with my wonderful boyfriend."
"Fuck off, your tricks won't
work on me. I was just educated on some of the tricks of the
whore." That is what you should be saying right now.
"What other little time I have I try to spend with my family. I
can't stand cheaters, they make me sick what is th e point in being
with someone if you are going to cheat."
What is the point of considering yourself loyal if you post pictures like this?
Yes I know she didn't actually
cheat on her man by taking this picture, but just think of how many 13
y/o kids who can't find porn anywhere else, yanked it to this picture.
Yeah you are probably
right, none. I know I could have found better when I was 13 and I
was still running windows 3.1 with dial-up internet.
"I think it is pointless so I will never do it or stand for my
man to do it either. I have said it before but I will say it again I
love to play with girls alone and with my boyfriend, yeah I get turned
by seeing my boyfriend fuck the hell out of other girls."
Contradict yourself again. I dare you.
Trick 4 of the whore. It is okay for their "man" to be with other
women, but they will never cheat. It makes the men say, "Man if I
could just get with her, she is perfect." Well, no she's not,
except to Andy Reid.
Okay, that was about all I could find from her profile that was
interesting. She has some blogs, I just read one. Here it
is.
"I just had to
scream it out loud. I love my bf and there is no one I would rather spend all my
time with. I miss him when he is not around, and Love him more every second. I
love you Ash."
I named it his boom stick.
Okay that was me typing like it was Miss Piggy and if you didn't get that then screw you, I am not explaining it.
Did that cat just fall out of my vagina?
That is her comment, not mine.
Does she look like a giant compared to that bed? Maybe she is in Miss Piggies room. They could be roommates!
I'll give you a blow!
Bet you didn't know we were big in Japan did you?
