Hey, fuckers and fuckettes (and fuckerettes if you own both a wee-wee and a va-jay-jay). How's everyone doing?
 
 Splendid.
 
My name is G. Young and I'm an asshole.
 
I'm an a-hole because I said, "Splendid." What kind of cocksucka says, "Splendid?" Yeah, I've watched every episode of 'Deadwood.' I love when that chink, Wu, says "Cocksucka. Swedgin." Wu makes me laugh out loud, "LOL" even (trying to not sound like that gay, pink anthropomorphic mountain lion, ).
 
 
Damnit, this isn't the 1800's. Chink is not "PC." I meant to say, "Chinaman, do my dry cleaning. Now, slant-eyes!"
 
Man, I am an asshole. Only a butthole would use so many parenthesis in such a short time. I do what I want to, buttholes.
 
Butthole is kind of funny. You get so used to saying/hearing words of the swearing variety, that when you hear "butthole," "penis" or "vagina;" it makes you laugh. It makes me laugh, anyways, and that's all that matters. Fuck you fuckers, fuckettes and fuckerettes if you think someone saying, "mammary glands" isn't funny.
 
"Make ya mammary glands jiggle." 
 
I suppose I shouldn't have skipped sex education day.
 
You mean she's not supposed to stick her vagina in my penis? 
 
 
Golly, gee whiz, shucks.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Oh, so that's where the Mucosa Vaginal is.
 
 
 
So this fat chick was sucking my cock last weekend. Stellar segway. Thank you, but I sounded too "Andy Dice Clay" for even my own liking.
 
What's going to make this funnier, though, is that I bet she reads this. She is familiar with the DamnCracker's Whore of the Week. She is a fan.
 
She WAS a fan.
 
Us dudes often say a lot of things that we don't mean. Things such as, "I'll call you tomorrow," "I'm not like other guys," and "no, really, I'm not like other guys, honestly. I swear that I'll call you tomorrow." We, generally, say this to women that we know we're not going to have anything to do with (mostly fat chicks with low self esteem) after we get done doing what we gotta do...cum without the aid of Miss Michigan.
 
 

 
 
 I miss Michigan.
 
 
 
This chick had one of the smelliest cunts ever! I've smelled some that are worse, but not by much. I administered the finger test and she got a D-. My member, however, doesn't have the sense of smell or a grading system. My above average soldier does talk, though, and although he can't smell he still said, "Damn, that bitch needs to
something fierce."
 
 
Yes, my phallus has the ability to speak and use pictures.
 Magic Johnson.
So magical that I, surprisingly, don't have any STD's.
 
 
 
Haiku time:
 
 
 
Women please don't stink
Vaginas are special things
Take care of them, please
 
 
 
Seriously, if who I am talking about is reading this, do not try to contact me on MySpace. Don't try to call me either. I didn't respond to your 23 MySpace messages. I blocked you after the 3rd one. Also, YOUR PUSSY STANK REALLY BAD! CLEANSE YOURSELF FOR FUCK'S SAKE. PLEASE.
 
Please, I (and every other human, maybe some animals as well) beg you. We plead. DOUCHE!
 
Ok, I hope you got that hint. If not, read some of this poetic justice *no Janet Jackson or Tupac*
 
 
 
Yes, I lied.
 
Yes, I'm an asshole.
 
Yes, you need to shave your 70's style donut.
 
Yes, you need to buy stock in Massengill.
 
Yes, you should get high off your own supply. 
 
Yes, I shouldn't ever get that drunk again
 
Yes, I probably will.
 
Yes, I will never talk to you again.
 
Say Yes To Michigan!
 
 
 
God created fat chicks; gave them great personalities and the ability to suck a pretty decent cock. At least they've got that going for them. If only he would have given them the ability to take a hint.
 
Derrick, here is the whore. Have fun. My time is done. Till next week, F, F and F's...
 
 
Love,
 
Gerlad



Thanks Gerlad.  I like how you didn't even talk about the Whore yet.  I bet that is just a link to Tom's Profile.  Yeah profile is capitalized there.  Tom's Profile is now a pronoun.  Well I just sat down to write this, it is early, I am drunk still.  I guess I should look at her profile.  Right after I take a shit.  I will be back.    

Okay I'm back.   Why does it smell like shit it here.  Oh right.  Sorry.  


Here is your WOTW.
Kelsey



Well Gerlad I would have to say that you picked a terrible whore.  A terrible whore?  Wouldn't that be what we are looking for.  
I think I just might, if the feeling is right,  write this whore in the stylings of Dr. Seuss.  

One whore two whores Red whore Blue whore.
Black whore Blue whore old whore new whore
This one has a little box
This one likes to smell my socks
Oh what a lot of whores there are.
-Dr. Derrick's One whore Two whore Red whore Blue whore

Okay, now that I wasted my time trying to find Dr. Seuss's books online with no luck, I will get back to the WOTW.  Well first I must say there is a book called, "Gerald Mcboing Boing" wrote by Dr. Seuss.  So that is what I am going to call him from now on and speaking of him  I don't think he (Gerlad Mcboing Boing) picked a good WOTW.  Look at that picture of her.  She is just a working class girl.





See she is just a normal women, showing off her . . . her . . . cleavage.  Well that isn't so bad is it?  Does is it make her a whore that she pulled her coat/dress/whatever it is up and is showing her walmart breast holder off?  I say no.  We must go, down to the store to find us a whore.  Can you find her in socks?  Can you find her stanky box?  Will she try to sue us?  I believe that is a must!


Really Gerald Mcboing Boing, this woman is not a whore.  Look at this picture she has.


Wait . . . is she on a bed . . . at work?  What type of job does she have?  I will give her the benefit of the doubt and say she probably works for a matress company or she has a job that requires her to be at work for extended periods of time and they give her a bed incase she wants to take a nap.




Ahh she is a whore.  You got me that time Gerald Mcboing Boing.  
I was fooled by this whore.
I was going to look for more
stupid bitches that show their junk
but this bitches cunt really stunk
Gerlad could smell it a 1000 miles away
He couldn't keep his penis at bay



And just incase you doubt that picture being whorey enough.


(To be read in a calm detective voice)
It was Saturday, May 13th.  It was hot, she took off her clothing.
 I thought it was getting close to midnight, but the clock read 6:15.  Drinking all day will do that to you.  
I pulled out my camera and told her to bend over.  She gave me a little lip . . . I gave her the back of my hand to the right side of her face.  She bent over.  
The table creaked as she placed her arms on it.  It was a walmart special . . so was her bra and panites.  Damn you walmart.  
She was giving me that come hither look.  I couldn't resist.  Or could I?
I stepped back, looked at her ass and remembered I've been there before.  
Never again I told myself the last time.  Too many doctor visits.  It's not worth it.  
It's . .  just . . . not . . . worth it.




Hey I had one of those when I was a kid.  I used to play with it all the time, pretending I was Luke Skywalker.  It wasn't my best friend though.  

I wonder how many STD's that thing has?

This chick has to be a whore.  She still has Tom as her top friend.  Who does that?  Tom is so cool he is uncool.  No wait, what the hell am I talking about.  Tom is so uncool he is cool.  Hold on again.  Tom is just a turd fucker.  

From her profile-


Who I'd like to meet:
I love late night meetings. Meeting a guy in an obscure place adds to the sense of mystery and excitement, sometimes with a little roleplaying. I am adventurous, fun, silly at times, but love to get hot.
-To sum this up, she could have just wrote.  Please rape me.

I love to satisfy my man. Vibrators are fun for a while, but I'm craving the real thing. Let me know if you are interested *wink*
-Ah haa, the signature of the whore.  She has been authenticated.




Here is
A random picture