9-9-09

Swagger, that's what I possess; straight up swagger. Today I was walking in the grocery store. I was buying ingredients for chili. It's that time of year. Football season has officially kic...no, I won't make that pun. Football season is here. Every year, since I moved out my parent's house, opening weekend of the NFL gets kicke...fuck, I still won't make that pun. I make chili for opening Sunday. I make bomb-ass chili. The best. The bestest.

So, I was in the grocery store today. The Commodores came on. It was 'Brickhouse.' It was a real version and not some Muzak bo' shit. Yeah, it wasn't elevator music, bitches. It provided me the soundtrack to my swagger. I started pimpin'. I was pimpin' so much that I will put the "'" after the "N."

I was strutting down the veggie aisle like I was Ron O'Neal in Super Fly. The only thing that would have been smoother would have been if Curtis Mayfield was blastin' (once again, swagger), but I'm a white dude and what do I know about soul? A lot actually, I am blacker than Bryant Gumbel. My cock is anyway.

Ok, you get the drift. I like making chili on opening weekend and it makes me feel black. Damn crackers, don't judge me Judy or Mr. Mathis. Whateva, honkies. I, however, did hear a black dude say, "Wack" today. It made me chuckle. It was definitely a chuckle. I know a chuckle when I chuckle and that was a chuckle. The dude said, "Wack." "Wack" for fucks sake. Chuckle.

ok, enough of that large, bold font. Serously, swagger.

Chuckle swagger? Yeah, I just made it up. Chuckle swagger. Mick Jagger ain't got shit on my swagger. He's a lagger. A grocery bagger. For what it's worth (maybe a buck), my bagger looked like Jagger. I tipped the old guy a buck.

I was just rapping some Eminem, as it was playing out my shitty computer speakers. I was wack. Damn, cracker. Don't play me like I can't say, "Wack." Then I got to "Without Me" and I wasn't wack any mo'. I was like a true "G." Only because I have heard it 10855 times. That, and I am mad crackerish, and only a white boy from Oscoda could understand. Sincerely, Stan.

A true wigger can't say he was swankin' to the Commodores, though. Yet, I had swag---. Yep, swagger. That's the word of this WOTW. Well, not this WOTW. She's an old, nasty whore. She's got no swagger at all; just old saggy titties. She's got SAGGER.

What, Gerald won't use the wack "kicked off" pun, but he will say, "Sagger" instead of "swagger?" Yep, that Eminem song is over and I got whiter. Yet, my cock is still bigger than Gumbel and Wayne Brady...combined. And, I'm not even hard. Not yet. Not ever after seeing this whore.

I do still have swagger, though. You see, last week my boss got mad. He was upset because I didn't find the whore. How lazy am I that I don't go whore seeking? Well, last week I was hippy lazy. But, I came through in the clutch for this week. I found someone perfect for my boss to rip on.

All yours, boss.

P.S. Boss: Please don't fire me.

There, D, I even nicknamed her for you. Seriously, don't fire me. I couldn't bear to lose a job I never had. Please. I'll write the actual whore next week, if you want to write this nonsense. Please, boss man, don't fire me.

Okay everyone, thank you for reading through that aweful mess and actually getting to the whore of the week. Not that the story was bad, but the word usage was horrible. Fuck that work actually, what word? I will say it once and one time only, swagger. There I did it now we can get onto the whore which Gerlad picked out. And don't worry Gerlad, I won't fire you from this job. Even though I do pay you over 30,000 a year and you just keep asking for more. But that has nothing to do with this whore of the week.

And to start the pictures off on the right foot.

Hold it in, hold it in, okay go throw up. I did.

You now understand why Gerlad named her Sagger.

This WOTW's profile info is as follows.

I am happily married to an incredible man I met on AOL.
She then went on to add, I haven't actually met him yet but his name is John Mark Karr and he really loves children.

I am an accountant. I can count up to 12, I would beable to count higher but I cannot see my feet.

I spend most of my free time with dancing or on the computer.
Let's just hope she is not dancing on the computer. Well acutally, lets hope for that because then her computer would be smashed and she wouldn't beable to infect the e-community anymore with her visual cancer otherwise known as herself, picture following.

How did that whale get so far up on the beach? And what is that giant mat it is laying on, why I think that is Colorado.

I just use myspace to participate in some of the groups and to stay in contact with a couple friends. If you are a big boob lover, please add me as your friend.
Hold on, I am a big boob lover. I love boobs a lot. But I do not love big boobs. In case you don't get this I will futher indulge. I am a big Eagles fan. But I do not like big Eagles. They are scarry. Understand yet? If not go add her. I am sure you can have meaningful conversations together. Like, "Is the moon really made out of cheese?", "Are Sagger's tits really bigger than her head?" or "Does Gerald Young actually masterbate to pictures of her and then call her the next day?"
That last one was good, go fuck yourself.

You can see more pictures of me at www.buxomdream.com/photos.html. You can email me at buxomdream@comcast.net.
You can and should. I suggest the latter of the two. Please e-mail her and tell her she has won this pretegious award.

Oh and send her this picture too.

Who she would like to meet:

Not looking to meet others. I am happily married. I am not looking for a chat buddy (I am not into chatting). I don't add underage kids to my friends list. I don't use myspace messages as a substitute for instant messaging (I don't respond to one line mail saying "hey, what's up" or "how are you"). I am sorry if this sounds so negative. I just want to save us both time. Thanks for your understanding. PS I don't take nude or topless photos.Not looking to meet others. I am happily married.
Yet you post half naked pictures of yourself, ones that no one should ever see because after they see them, they will not beable to see again.

I am not looking for a chat buddy (I am not into chatting).
Okay so you are not looking for someone else, or into chatting. Why are you on here?

I don't add underage kids to my friends list.
Then put your profile to private and keep those nasty fat bags to yourself and your "husband."

I don't use myspace messages as a substitute for instant messaging (I don't respond to one line mail saying "hey, what's up" or "how are you"). I am sorry if this sounds so negative. I just want to save us both time.
Then leave and never come back. You would then save me the trouble of writing this piece on you.

Thanks for your understanding. PS I don't take nude or topless photos.
Just discusting half nude pictures which induce vomiting.

Okay so I will leave you with some of her pictures and the comments that people have left. They are funnier than I can be. So have at it.