Today's Whore Of The Week comes to us all the way from "Everywhere California." I googled this town but never found it, fuck google and it's lies. 

Here is her link. Honolulu Hoe

I hope you're not all still mad at me for the last WOTW that ended up being a guy. Well i'm not so much sorry as I am still laughing about how many guys probably rubbed one out before they found out it was a tranny. Dont worry I did too, twice.

So this special young lady is multi racial, a melting pot. This is what America is all about. Here is her info.

I am originally from Honolulu, Hawaii and I am of German, Welsh, Japanese, Chinese and Hawaiian ancestry. 

This in my opinion makes her a mut. Wait a minute mut.... slut.... God I wish that fucking Dr. Seuss didn't die from auto-erotic asphyxiation. My whiteness is really shining through right now. If I was even a tenth black I could easily find a way to turn that into a witty rhyme, alas I have failed. Enough jibba jab lets see some pics.

I know what you are thinking, "Im not gonna fall for the tranny trick again". I promise you that even though she looks like an Adams apple toting shemale this one is actually a chick. Work with me people this is a Whore Of The Week, not an Attractive Whore Of The Week. You will play by my rules or not play at all. So the mut here is a recent college grad, congratulations!!! You are now a moderately educated slutmuffin. As most myspace whores do she has a thousand "You are" links on her page. You know the ones that say shit like, "You are the color yellow, your inteligence and charisma are gateways to your inner beauty." That lame shit people plaster all over their page that nobody reads. You have one on your page dont you? Here is one of hers.

Now as a professional mixologist im gonna take a shot at this.

Which one sounds like a more realistic Natalie to you?

So todays theme is good vs. evil. I struggle with my demons and devils every day but they look nothing like this.

  V.

Mine look more like tickle me elmo dolls with penises. I have decided against giving you an illustration of this for two reasons. 1- I am lazy, 2- it's to much for your mind to comprehend and you would probably have an annurism.

Lets find out who Natalie would like to meet.

Anyone with a cool personality is always fab. Basically I love people who are down-to earth and genuine. I love people who can think "outside the box" (pun intended haha.) I am here to network and connect with friends and hopefully I will meet new ones in the process. Characteristics I LOVE: INTELLIGENT, WITTY, TALENTED, INNOVATIVE, AMBITIOUS, DETERMINED, POSITIVE, ENERGETIC, FIT/ATHLETIC, CUTE & LOVING. Who I DON'T WANT TO MEET: USERS, ABUSERS, CRAZIES/WEIROS (ECCENTRIC IS GOOD, WEIRD IS NOT), CLINGERS/STALKERS, DRAMA QUEENS/KINGS, FLAKERS, SMART ASSES, SEXUAL PERVERTS (OK A LITTLE PERVERTED IS GOOD--DON'T THINK THAT I'M GONNA DRINK YOUR PEE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT) I WILL NOT APPROVE YOU IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A PHOTO AVAILABLE.

Does this cunt really think she is too good to drink my pee? I certainly don't need a photo to give this bitch a golden shower.

Okay, so Graham, the person who wrote everything up to this sentence, has left the rest for me, Derrick, to finish. So I went back and started to look at Natilie's profile, and I just can't see what Graham sees in her. She definatly isn't WOTW material, and since I wrote guidelines last week as to what a WOTW should be, there is no excuse for this. Granted she does have those evil versus good pictures which are whorish, but besides that she is an All American MySpace girl. Don't you agree? Maybe not, so I will go back and look somemore at her page.

Okay, so I went back and found this picture on her page.

Anyone who puts half naked cartoons on their page is not a Whore of the Week. They are a dude. So I am concluding that this week Graham once again is trying to get you to masturbate to a guy. It is his way of getting himself off.

Seriously that picture is retarded. It says you have a beautiful soul, but then just shows some naked cartoon chick with E.T. eyes.

So I went back looking for more, and nothing. I just don't feel right about Graham's pick. But he did do good. A few comments down on Natalie's page I ran into this.

DING DING DING we have a winner.

Meet MONI4U

What kind of question is that? Of course I do!

MONI4U fits all of the guidelines for selecting a WOTW, and I will run through and show you this.

Guideline #1

Pictures are essential, but not just any picture will do.

MONI4U has plenty of pictures and almost all of them are grade A whore pictures. Examples follow:

Now I could go with the easy, "suckey suckey long time" here. But that is just used and abused. Instead I went with this.

I know, I know. This was a little unorthodoxed, but I think now we know who that model was for the cartoon picture earlier in this article. Damn she is so much hotter now. I would so let her put her glowing finger anywhere she wants to. She is such a naughty extra terrestial life form, yes she is.

Okay, so we were on guideline #1. Whorish pictures are necessary.

She either has the guiness record for largest pussy lips or shes got something else tucked back there.

I swear I didn't put that E.T. face on her here, that is actually her face.

Guideline #2

Find whorish pictures, but just one won't do.

I think we have proven that she has more than one. But just to make sure you don't doubt me.

Yep, just what I need. A hooker from outerspace whose unearthly vagina probably has that alien disease, the one that makes you shrink and makes it hard for you to talk correctly. . . shit what is it called again? Oh yeah, the Elian Gonzalez disease or better known as Mexicanites.

I know, Elian wasn't Mexican, chill the fuck out.

One more picture.

Is this the best pose she could come up with? The "Oh my God the neighbors are looking in the windows again" pose. Or maybe it's the "what's 2 + 4?" pose. Who knows.

Guideline #3

Information is required.

Now she doesn't have a great deal of information. But she does have enough. We will first start with a little picture she has at the top of her About Me: section.

Believe me sister, can I call you sister? Just believe me, I am not jealous of you, now granted it would be great to be you if they make a new E.T., but unless that happens I am not jealous.

It seems that most of her information is in the form of words in pictures, so here is another one.

I personally do not know the answer, well I didn't before I started writing this WOTW. I do now though, and it is take half nude pictures of yourself in stupid poses that even A Miss America contestant would call a retarded pose. If that didn't make sense just look at the last picture of her, but I trust that all your fine scholarly readers knew what I meant.

Another one . . .

Okay then.

Guideline #4

Make sure it isn't a bot profile.

Her profile isn't, believe me. I don't need to prove this one.

I am going to end with one more of her pictures, a wholesome picture at that.

What the fuck is that guy on her right doing? The one not holding his hands up for you morons out there. I think he is trying to rape me with his eyes. Every time I look away I think he moves, like in Ghostbusters 2 when that picture of Vigo keeps looking at Dana when she turns her head. Except that dude in the picture above is gay, like seriously homosexual. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Freaky.