Hello all, my names Derrick. Welcome to Myspace Whores Anonymous. This week we have a new member. Her name is
.
Everyone please welcome
to the WOTW gang.
wants us to know, "i love being around fun people that can take a joke and hate boring people that bring nothing to the table." Well sister, we can take a joke, but can you? Guess that is something you will have to find out after you read this. On to the show.
is a trademark name underwritten by Whores Anonymous. Anytime you use her name you must pay a tribute to the God of Herpes. Since I don't feel like paying that tribute we will refer to her as Gums. Gums actually had a picture of herself at the last WA meeting.
This whore of the week isn't really all that anonymous. Gums was actually in a magazine before, but she's never received a nomination like DamnCrackers.com Myspace Whore of the Week before.
Can you guess which one she is? I know it's hard, there are so many whores to choose from. Take your time, relax, put your pants back on and make a choice.
Gums is on the left, did you choose correctly?
Okay let's learn a little about this WOTW. Gums informs all her myspace groupies, "i'm single because i want to be...". Yet under her info she states she is in a relationship. I am guessing this relationship she speaks of is with any guy that will pay the tribute to the God of Herpes and this relationship only lasts one night therefore she can consider herself single. Sounds solid to me.
Gums about me section is full of "interesting" information about her. Everyone should go read, but just incase you don't I have pulled the important parts out. Gums states, "...i believe in things most people don't, see things most people don't, and feel things that most people don't." Great we picked a mutant as the WOTW. I wonder if Gambit and Storm are on MySpace too? So what are the things she believes that most people don't? Let's take a stab at it.
Things Gums' believes that other people do not.
1. Putting pictures on the internet of yourself trying to clean some pubes out of your teeth from your last client is acceptable.
2. Eating pubes is a healthy diet.
3. There is a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow.
4. If you kick a midget he turns into 40 gold coins.
5. Dr. Phil is actually a man.
6. Assholes were made for gettin' pounded.
7. Every time someone litters an Indian cries.
8.No one has beat off to this picture.
9. Canada is it's own country and not actually America II.
10. The Easter Bunny is actually Bill Clinton's older brother. (Fuck off, I was running out of things to say)
I bet that Gums has been talking with Philomena because they both believe things that no one else does (check out Philomena's profile and read her blogs, they're great). Gums writes, "i value my family and those who are REAL." Then we can assume she doesn't value those that are unreal, such as her Simon Cowell blow up doll, Optimus Prime and, of course, Ben Aflack. (Editor's note... which is actually just Gerald being a smart ass). Aflack, Derrick? Ben Affleck's career might be in bad enough shambles that he could end up being the new spokesman/spokesduck for Aflac. He then could steal Daisy away from Donald. Her ass would be comparable to J Lo.(Owner's note...which is actually Derrick just being bored) I got nothing to say I just need to one up Gerald.
Ben ain't gettin' none of this sweet tail
Back to the action. Gums writes, "i used to be extremely insecure, but i've gone through alot of shit to get to where i'm at now, and i'm finally comfortable in my own skin." You've been in Maxim, and have half naked pictures on the internet! When the hell were you "extremely insecure?" When you were 8? I bet even then you were charging 25¢ to show the boys your hairy spot. Maybe that was the "shit" you went through to get to be comfortable in your own skin. I just never knew to reach that comfort level you had to take off half your clothes, take some pics and then post them on the internet. Or, maybe all you have to do is try on underwear at K-mart. But, if that is what you have to do, make sure they are from the bargin bin in the middle of the aisle.
Chapstick, I mean Gums informs us, "i have enough friends, i honestly don't need any more...so unless you want to take me on an expensive romantic getaway, don't request me!" What a fucking whore, all she wants is money, power and K-mart panties. I then read more and found she completly contradicts her self. Then again you have to contracdict yourself to be the WOTW.
Damn, chill out John we know.
Remember she just said she doesn't want anymore friends unless they will take her, "on an expensive romantic getaway". Gums contradicts herself by saying, "i like meeting people who make me think, and wonder, and who can intrigue me. people that are smart, interesting, funny, respectful, honest, trustworthy, ambitious...all that good, hard-to-come-by stuff." Gums then goes on to say, "but I'd settle for Doggy."
What do you have to say about that Doggy?
Click to view.
It's picture time.
"I smell chicken, I think this is Andy Reid's shirt!"
I left this picture so large so you understand why Gums earned her nickname. Well this and the other thing you probable thought when you read her nickname for the first time.
She must have stopped by the childrens section when she was in K-mart and picked up this skirt. Fucking whore. And again I left this one large for nickname purposes.
They also have pretty big
vaginas from getting fucked by pretty much the whole football team, pretty much at one time.
"Stop in the name of my bra, he he i'm so cool"
Whoa, stettle down dracula.
I've actually seen her do this with her tounge before, but instead of doing it to the white Mike Tyson she was trying to do it to her elbow.
That's it, now go listen to Sunday Services. And make sure you listen from 10-midnight EST. Rick and Super Dirty got a great show, and you will not be dissapointed. Hell even call in and chat with them, the number is 1-888-9-sin-now, but make sure you call after 10 EST. And if anyone calls in and mentions Gums and DamnCrackers.com we will send you a t-shirt. Just give your address to Rick and Super Dirty and we will ship it out.
-D Mike(that's my street name but you can call me Derrick)
DamnCrackers©2006
