Hello whore lovers. Gerald Young here. Did you miss me? It's ok to lie and say that you did. I missed you. You see how easy that was? What do I have in store for you this week? I originally was going to write about a different whore, but at the last second I found one that I couldn't resist. Well, I can resist because she is fat, but I can't resist because this will be funny. I am going to get right down to the nitty gritty. No filling up space talking about nothing. No reason to add fluff. This girl is pretty damn fluffy as it is. That's right, I am not going to type a bunch of filler. I am going to get right to the heart of the matter. That's what I'm going to do. Like I said, I am not going to waste a bunch of time. I'll jump right in head first.
Ok, I did use a bunch of filler, but so what. I am the one writing this and it has been a month since I have written a whore. I am little rusty, but at the same time I am a lot excited. Now I will get down to business.
Lately we have been giving our whores nicknames. This week is no different. While the name she may go by on MySpace is Scarlette Cyn, I am going to call her Stay Puft.
"I tried to think of the most harmless thing.
Something I loved from my childhood.
Something that could never ever possibly destroy us.
Mr. Stay Puft."
Meet Mrs. Stay Puft. She will destroy
all of us by crushing our heads
in her rolls.
I'm sure Stay Puft has a great personality, that is when she is not being a whore. But for the love of all things holy, that is just gross. I guess some men like women like this. Chubby Chasers is what they are called. I, myself, am not a fan of the BBW's. I can see the Big part and most of the times I can see the Woman part, but I just don't the beautiful part. To me there is nothing beautiful about this:
Want me to sit on your face?
Ok, that was just uncalled for. I should have chosen a whore that our readers would actually like to see. I shouldn't have chosen someone that makes us want to rinse our eyes out with acid. But I did anyway. Why? Because I'm an asshole. You think those pictures were bad, wait till you see these:
The EXPLICIT sign should be
over this whole picture. I think
she was tied up by the owner
of the Golden Corral.
Clothes: wear them. They are
your friend. I'm sure that Walmart
has a nice sale on tents.
Is that a bearskin rug or did
she sit on a bear?
Ok, if you are still with me and didn't get grossed out by the pictures like I did (I needed to use Scope to get the nasty taste of vomit out of my mouth) then let's learn about Stay Puft.
She tells us that her favorite thing to do is dress up in outfits or nothing at all. Then she gives us the *wink.* What was the *wink* for? Because you can't find anything that fits you? I already told her that she could buy a tent at Walmart. Maybe a nice tarp even. Like a pretty blue one.
She also loves shopping, travelling, reading, having wild passionate sex. First of all, I suppose she left off eating because we all can assume that. Second of all, wild passionate sex??? Just how wild can you get with a girl that probably has the mobility of a dead person? I am sure the passion she is talking about is when they order 4 super size supreme XL pizzas after the guy fakes an orgasm to end that horrible sexperience. I can hear her on the phone ordering the pizzas. It would go a little something like this. Hit it!
Pizza Place Guy: Hello, thank you for calling Pizza Place.
Stay Puft: Well hellllllllo, I am still so horny. I think you guys have got what I need to satisfy my needs.
Pizza Place Guy: Is that you again, Stay Puft? Didn't we deliver to you twice today already?
Stay Puft: Yeah and you will again twice more before the day is over. I want the usual.
Pizza Place Guy: That will be $2,469 you fat whore. Please wear some clothes when you answer the door this time. You made Jose quit his job. Which is kind of weird because we know how much Mexicans love fat women. You must be really nasty if you grossed out a Mexican.
Stay Puft: Let me email you this picture and you tell me what you think.
Pizza Place Guy (in the background): Someone please give me a pizza slicer. I am going to off myself.
Stay Puft also enjoys barbecuing and hot tubbing with the girls. Hot tubbing? The hot tub better be the size of an olympic pool if any of her girls want to enjoy.
Stay Puft is a, this is really hard to say. I'll try to say this with a straight face. It is impossible. Stay Puft is a model. Some magazine called BODacious. She says this, "Can you imagine, only $8 to see me naked?" No, I can't imagine. I can't imagine anyone paying 8 pesos to see her naked. I'll pay her $8,888 to put some clothes on.
I guess all I am trying to say is:
Quick insert from Derrick: My penis is now inverted after reading this whore of the week. I don't think I will ever be able to get an erection again. Thanks a lot Gerald.
