You know, sometimes things just hit you upside the head in life. I will not philosophize to speak of such things because, let's face it, this is just DamnCrackers.com MySpace Whore of the Week. We talk about whores and their extremely whorey ways. There really is no reason to bring Descartes into the conversation; other than the fact to point out that I once took a Philosophy class in college and that was one of the few names I remember. I think mentioning his name once in college got me laid, but so did taking some chick to see this guy:

Pretty sad that I got laid by taking a girl to see Carrot Top,

but I did. I have the decreased brain cells to prove it.

Also, it was 11 years ago, should it still burn when I pee?

I'm pretty sure Carrot Top himself would hold up a giant

sized clam with the letters y,d,i and a after it

to prove the point.

Please, someone hit me upside the head. Oh yeah, that's what I was talking about. When I was whore-hunting the other day I found this gem: Paris

She even has a picture saying that she is a MySpace Whore. How freaking perfect is that? Pretty freaking perfect, but if you don't agree with me you can blow me. Ladies, please disagree. Please. My cock has been saying, "Mouth" for the last month. How can I argue with my talking dick? So, please, disagree. Derrick disagreed, but his mouth bores me. I lied. Derrick didn't disagree. Hey yoooo, I'll be here all week. At least until the next whore is up. Tip your wait staff. Comp my conversating cock. Wow, that was some alliteration that has probably never been done before.

Can't argue with that. If it walks

like a duck and quacks like a

duck, it's a MySpace Whore.

Apparently Paris thinks she is Paris Hilton. Her real name is Monique, but her profile ID is ParisGurle. We are going to call her Dumb Fuck. Mainly because she really likes Paris Hilton, but also in part of her spelling of girlie.

Dumb Fuck is pretty slutty, but that should be obvious because of who her role model is. Here's a couple of pics to prove that point. Not that a point would needed to be proven. I mean, her fucking role model is Paris Fucking Hilton for fucks sake. Yes, I needed to say fuck a few times there. Don't fucking judge me, you fucks!

The obligatory skanky, 1/2

naked mirror pic. A total must for

any whore that wants to

grace the pages of

the DamnCrackers.com

I'm pretty sure I don't need to

make a comment about this,

but if I did it would simply read,

"WHORE." I mean, she got that

tube top from blowing

Larry Flynt himself.

He was in a wheelchair too.

I think this would be a good time to mention a couple of Dumb Fuck's quotes. First, in the section that asks which books she likes she puts, "I don't read." Don't can very easily be replaced with can't. I say this because she also can't write/type. She made so many mistakes in her profile that it gave me a headache that only a bottle of Jägermeister can remedy. Pretty cool how I put the umlaut over the "a" there. I'm special. I'm not as special as Dumb Fuck though. She's this special:

Now that's special right there. I don't care who you are.

Her second great quote is, "I love honesty and i love open minded guys, if you aint open minded dont hit me up cuz if ur lucky i might let ya know my LIL SECRET." God that pained me to type. I apologize if it gave you a headache too, but it needed to be said. Dumb Fuck is truly a dumb whore. It does bring up the question, what is Dumb Fuck's Dirty Lil' Secret? What a perfect time for a poll. Don't agree with me? Remember what I said about not agreeing with me before? The same rules apply. What awesome rules they are. Agree with me, I win. Disagree, I get head.

What's Dumb Fuck's Dirty Lil' Secret?
	The obvious, she's bi. She says it in her profile. Quite the secret. What a Dumb Fuck.
	She hasn't changed her panties in 2 weeks and doesn't plan on doing it for another 2.
	She makes guys call her Paris while getting it from the back.
	She doesn't know her ABC's.
	She got confused when someone was teaching her how to play tic-tac-toe.

Free polls from Pollhost.com

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Whatever you chose, you were wrong. Her lil' secret was that she was actually a dude before. I just put the poll up there for you to waste a few seconds of your life. Chances are that I didn't even achieve that. I guess the joke's on me. I wasted my time when I intended to waste yours. Damnit! You got me this time, DCWOTW readers. Next time, Gadget... I'll get you next time. Damn, I really hope Matthew Broderick doesn't read this. What happened to him? I actually wanted to blame it on the 'Inspector Gadget' movie, but after some "IMDBing" I found out it was actually Jim Carrey's fault. Strike that, it was Ben Stiller's fault. Regardless, it was the debacle known as 'The Cable Guy.' Fuck it. It all comes around in the end. It is this ass hat's fault:

Here's how I know she was a guy. Look at where her hand is. It reminds me of where my hand has been everyday after I turned 9. Otherwise known as the day I found my dad's stash.

My penis used to be bigger than

Brandon Young's, but that's

easy to believe. After all, he is

related to Gerald Travis Young.

I know what you're thinking, "Gerald, what does she like to do?" Well, damn, she's a whore. What do you think? She put "boys" down twice in her interests section. I guess that means she likes to be sandwiched. She also put down "shopping, high heels, short lil' minis, hair, makeup." Damn, she's deep. To think, I started off talking about philosophy. What a drastic turn of events.

Why even wear anything

at all? Just walk

around in your panties.

Yeah, just like that.

Ho... Ho...

I forgot to mention, Dumb Fuck thinks she is famous. At least that is what she says in her headline. It says, "Fuck you, I'm famous!!!" No, unfortunately, Paris Hilton is famous. You are not her. You are just Dumb Fuck, a MySpace whore. Does Andy Reid think she is famous?

Insert from Derrick.

I hate this WOTW. I wish I was here when this picture was taken. I would drop kick this bitch over that railing. Then I would rail her friend and throw her over the side too.

I really hate this whore.

Damn, I guess Derrick hated this whore. He would have drop kicked her over the rail? I think he could have just slightly pushed her. A drop kick would have been unnecessary. I say that because he might have hurt himself. I do not promote violence against women, but bro's before ho's or something I guess. Plus, this trick really likes Paris Hilton. Seriously, if someone told you that they thought Paris Hilton was grand, wouldn't you want to push them over a railing too? Wait, did I say, "Grand?" What is this 1954? That is rather peachy of me. Keen in a way. I am neato.

In closing, I would like to say that Carrot Top got me laid. Can you say that? I didn't think so.

Another insert from Derrick:

I wouldn't actually drop kick her over the side. I would punch-a-size her face for free. Yeah that is a rip off from a movie, don't get all mad and go telling Broken Lizard I am stealing their shit. I also do not promote violence against women which it seemed that the infamous Gerald Young was hinting at. He's just mad because I wouldn't give him a rim job for his birthday. I lied, he didn't get mad, he got glad with sinch sak. Instead of having to involve violence into this at all. I could just get Larry the Dildo Thumb to "Git-R-Done".

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