Oh shit, I'm back like a heart attack on Dick Cheney. Or maybe, I'm back like herpes on Britney Spears . . . but you can't suppress me. Where have I been? I've been on sabbatical, giving seminars to people afflicted with the MySpace Whore Syndrome. It was a trying time; MWS is not something that easily goes away. Those whores just wanna be whores damnit. But in the end, our seminars were effective and converted the sick and cleansed their disease.

The MySpace Whore of the Week has become the MySpace Whore of Whenever. If you are an avid reader of DamnCrackers.com, you know this. Either way, we have another installment of the WOTW, a new cast member added to the masses of whores that have been collected by our supreme crew of writers here at Damn Crackers. This WOTW was actually selected by a female reader, so without delay, I give you:

Rain

That is one snazzy picture she has . . . probably made by one of the 15 year old kids who stalks her profile in hopes of getting a nude picture from her. Or, it's possible this guy who seems to think it's cool to be holding a gun in over 40 percent of his pictures.

"Because I' Saving America"

The only world he is saving is this one, with his online companions.

Go get 'em level 35 MySpace Butt Slugger With a Gun.

Okay, back to her photos.

Someone bukakked all over her face.

This pic was actually taken in one of my seminars to stop online whoring. That's class 544 right there.

Actually, she is holding your head back so you don't drip any of that spluge on that nice Asian whore costume. She really did go all out for that costume; bukakke and a Japanese costume = halloween perfection.

Please folks, remember, if you are going to let guys bukakke all over your face, bring a towel. Or better yet,

Alright, let us take a look at her profile.

I'm sure that the best "pole dancers" come from Memphis, and I'm not joking. Nothing says stripper like backwoods trailer park girls who have no other way to make money than hang on a pole with their clothing off. From this info part of her page, we can infer that she isn't going to be writing for a publication anytime soon, at least as long as Retard Monthly isn't looking for writers. A 1st grader with Down's Syndrome could have made her info more interesting to read. Also, that 1st grader would have at least talked about horses and the theory of evolution. Well, they might not have talked about the theory of evolution, but you could pretty much grasp the theory of evolution from looking at them.

Here are some of her accomplishments.

Do these titles actually mean anything? It doesn't really take talent to hang on a pole. I've seen a pregnant chick with a tail do it once in a strip club in New Mexico. I think the tail actually helped her, like a cat's tail. Maybe that is the award "Pole Kat of the Year 2005"; she might have that talent as well. All in all, she has one more award to add to that list. You guessed it right, the Damn Crackers MySpace Whore of the Week award or the MySpace Whore of Whenever We Feel Like Writing One award.

Oh wow! I guess I didn't mention it yet, but this really is why she makes the list for the WOTW, "Jerry Springer Pay-Per-View- Featured Pole Girl- Dec 07; Jan 08; Feb 08; Mar 08; Apr 08" Nothing, I mean nothing, beats a pole dancer on Jerry Springer. He should just change the title from "Jerry Springers Pole Girls" to Future MySpace Whores of the Week because if we find out that's what you are doing, you can expect to be the next WOTW. On top of that, it looks like Steve from Jerry Springer also got a run on that bukakke train.

And the last picture, the MySpace Whore collage. The stamp of the true whore, especially since it looks like it was taken in a hotel.

That's all, I'm out.

Copyright DamnCrackers 2008