Hello!
















































 
 
No I am not going to do that again. What I am going to do is keep you entertained for about 20 minutes or so and you know the method I will be using.  I will use my dick making abilities to bring a smile to your face, make you laugh and to cure your cancer.  Did you know I could cure cancer?  I did it for Lance Armstrong.  I can do it for you too.  Oh and by cancer I mean poison ivy.  I got an aloe plant and some sav from the doctor that works miracles.  Well enough about my super powers of dick making and cancer curing.  On to the Whore of the Week, and I must say, shes the Queen when it comes to whoredom.  I don't want anyone saying this week that the WOTW is a bot profile.  This whore is pure retard glory.  What do I mean by that . . . I have no idea?  One other quick note, this is the 1/2 year mark for DamnCrackers.com.  So let this be a whoreabration for that achievement, and if you think we are doing a good job go add us on MySpace. Now onto the WOTW.


MoniqueStarr



Black and white pictures don't make you less of a whore, they just makes you a less colorful whore.


Do not look at her site until the end of this WOTW.  I say this because there is so much information on it you won't get done reading it till next Sunday. Do not worry though, I will do my best to pull the most important parts from the profile.  Well let us start with her FAQ section.




Pure Retard Glory, don't you understand that sexual preference means a gender, not one specific person?  You are starting to give the name I created for you some meaning.  








Oh boy, is she talking in riddles?  Porn stars know what they are doing in certain aspects of life?  All they know how to do is get fucked.  Okay so getting fucked is a good thing but only one hundredth of the time.  Think about it.

"I got herpes, I'm fucked."
"Oprah still isn't dead, the world is fucked!"
"I have to call my Mom my Dad now, my life is fucked."
"Bill Gates just tea-bagged my computer, my computer is fucked."
"The family that just moved in next door is a bunch of Wiggers, we're fucked."
"My roommate just fucked a fat chick in my bed." The Roommate got fucked, but so did the springs in your bed.
"Tom from MySpace is now charging us to have a MySpace account but he is charging in e-blow jobs, we are all fucked!"
"That chick I fucked in the elevator last month is pregnant."-This sentence incorporates both positive and negative, "I'm just got fucked" into it.  On the one hand you got laid, but you're having a kid.  So the balance leans towards the negative, "I just got fucked."






MySpace should pay you?  You should pay MySpace for the VD you gave it last month you fucking whore.  











What the fuck is she talking about?  Do you have more than . . .
I set up a post in the forum to answer this.  Anyone can post, you don't have to be registered, so go finish her sentence.









Pure Retard Glory again surprises me with her intellectual ability.  She is right though.  The nearest thing to a plastic surgeon would be her.  When the Doctor is working on her face trying to fix the belt scars from her being beat by the special ed teacher in 4-12th grade.  









Yeah that is what gets God off, a MySpace whore named Pure Retard Glory.




Enough with these FAQ, lets move on to her information.  You know the standard bit, I just cut and paste and add my comments in black.  Here we go. *cracks knuckles*



"I've been through hell and back."
And all I got was this strap-on and Satan's autograph.


"I'm not afraid to cry
scream in your ear when you're mistaken
punch a hole in the wall
or walk all over you in my hells while laughing at you,
if you even deserve the luxury."
I'm not afraid to call you a whore, whore.


"Words mean shit to me."
Yet you write them and speak them; though when you speak them you usually do that twitching thing and spit all over everyone.

"I'm far from perfect, I don't need some imbecile to remind me of it.
And if you ever feel the need to remind me, you should look at yourself before you take ::cough,cough on you::
a moment out of your time to remind me of it.
The only thing you're proving to me is that I caught your attention,
and that I deserve your time. "
Well Pure Retard Glory, I was put on this Earth to dick make, and dick making is what I do.  You did catch my attention. Well actually you caught one of my associates attention and he informed me of you.  You do deserve this time of mine, because I am having a great time dick making you.  

"I swallow all of that proudly instead of giving a damn on what you have to say.
Cause honestly, if you were of any importance to me, I would be looking at you...and it's quite obvious that
I'm not.
To be honest with you, I rather see if I need an extra coat of mascara. "
That is fine, I just think you should know I am having a conversation with you and you don't even know it. So in an indirect way you are "looking at me."  And I agree with you, you do need an extra coat of mascara.  Go ahead and put that on now.

"The only people I give my attention to are the ones who I can learn from. Sadly, there aren't many of them out there. Many lessons in my life were self taught."
So you gave yourself blow jobs, is that how you got so good?

"I've had loved ones dance on my heart
then use me and spit me out like toothpaste."
I swallow toothpaste like you for breakfast.

"I've had a loved one drive me to hide in my closet for hours and cry,
because I was afraid of facing the world alone".
Bert and Ernie will always be there for you and remember God rubs off to you, so you got a friend in a high place.


"I've had loved ones who instead of loving me for who I am...
take their insecurities out on me, and remind me on how I should dress, walk and talk."
I had a PB&J sandwich for lunch . . . who fucking cares.

"I've had the experience of being a puppet.
I've had my strings pulled so tightly that I actually believed that my roll in life
was to portray an image, a character who had to be molded to please the world.
After playing the role of the sex changed Pinocchio for an entire mini series and a half,
as Monique ( yes that is my REAL name )decided to rip those strings apart from her flesh,
sit in the audience for a change,
and let the world know how it's done.
How to be controlled, and for once...TAKE IT BACK."
I once took a shit in a puppet and put it back in the box it was in.  Oh man I would have loved to see that guys face when he put the puppet on.  

Here I am today, being the psychotic, seductress, creative, mysterious, blunt individual that I am today, directing my own life....with no strings attached.
Yeah that puppet I found didn't have strings either, but it was filled with shit.  Are you two twins?


"So please...save yourself the embarrassment of reminding me that my skirt is too tight, I already know, because I made it.
My fishnets are shreded, because I love flashing the world my imperfections.
My medal wrist bands follow up my arm
while making every walkway my catwalk
with to die - for - leopard spiked heels,
while I wear the classic black business suit...
Much like Madonna herself...not only am I hot,
but I'm also a smart business woman that tolerates no shit."
She sure does a lot of explaining for someone that doesn't give a shit.




I went looking for more info from her profile to use and I just got over whelmed. So if it is just a random slew of info, don't hate me.  I don't hate you.  



Pictures cut from her profile.


We got a dog fucker here.  Though that is nothing new with the WOTW.






Super Dirty would lick your taint.  Or wait, maybe it's your dog/child that loves Super Dirty's taint.  Or do you mean you are tainted?  I am still confused from that, "Do you have more than . . ." part.






You can jack bitches with a dildo all day but you can't pump your own gas except in desperate measures?   You should move to New Jersey, they can't pump their own gas either.





"You got something on your tongue, let me help you get it off.  Mmm tastes like Super Dirty's taint "

Are her eyebrows painted on in this picture?  


Jackpot, I just found another info section.  Well you could call it that.  It is more of a, "let's see how crazy this bitch is" section.



"Barbie should have black fucking hair.
She looks nothing like me."
I agree with her about the black hair thing, but Barbie didn't do Ken and his 14 friends on a dare from Kimberly so I don't understand the second part of her quote.




"There are times I can't deal with the pain that God throws in my face/ so I throw it back with my eye shadow...and other pieces of my makeup collection, art, poetry...my shreded fishnets, my 8 inch heels, and my fashion sense. Can't deal with it? FUCK YOU. ::spits on heel, then shoves it up your ass::"
This is getting old.  She really is a fucking cry baby.  

"My style, my life is the meaning of the precious word...

FIERCE."


Yeah it is, if fierce meant retarded.

Shut the fuck up.



"It makes people stop, and stare.

I'm terrified of letting go
even though I don't act like it.
It's a front, it's a face...
but inside it's real...
At times, I can be in denial about it.
I've been through so much"

This could be summed up by, "Pure Retard Glory."  Is it making sense now?  


"There's so much posion in my veins I doubt that there is a cure for it.
Other than LOVE. That's why bitches...I love myself.
I'm the most insane Bitch you'll ever wanna meet."
I'm not deleting any of her crap, though the only thing I really needed to keep in this whole part is the last sentence of that paragraph.  It is what actually sums up this WOTW, that is if it just said, "I'm the most insane Bitch."  Well maybe Mary Todd Lincoln beats her out for the most insane bitch, but this WOTW gets close.

"My emotions. My thoughts, are soo goddamn twisted, they're like a a fuckin roller coaster.
They should name a ride after me at fist - fucking - flags. OOps, I mean 666 flags.
Did ya write that down you judge mental fucks ?
I'm fucking insane."
You are just putting on a show.  You probably work at an animal shelter, wear patchouli oil, and volunteer at the local YMCA.




"I have no fucking cure.
And it's better than sex.
So swallow it."
Are you Tila Tequila?

"Rub it all ova your fucking face."
Are you trying to out do Tila Tequila?


"I'm my own cure for all this death. This pain , This fucking agony. I wear my shades at night because the night isn't dark enough....I like to trick myself to believe that I'm blinded of this fucked up// poisoned // everyone has been molested at least twice//lets spend every last dime to salute a fuckin knock off prada bag to show a " need to prove somethin " status // I'm gonna use ya and spit ya out like fucking toothpaste // Fuckin WORLD. ::takes a sip of Moet...spits it back at ya:: grazi."
I am completely out of things to say to this,  This paragraph is exactly like every other one she has.  "I don't care what you think about me, but I'm gonna cry about it.  I'm gonna explain myself to you and I'm gonna talk about how hardcore I am.   I'm gonna make an assumption that you think certain things about me which in the end is only making me exactly like the people I am talking about."  

"I wish I had enough color to reface this world with my makeup mother fucking skills.
Paint it all black and start over.
The way god did it, but betta."
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a six four Impala, I wish.



"I wish hate was replaced by sex.
@ least we would be all getting off by it."
"instead of knocking down 2 towers. The FUcking CUNTS."
Is this was true fat people would be hating the most, cause they get it the least.

Okay I deleted some of her shit, so I lied.  She was pissing me off and I have been writing this for 3 1/2 hours now.


"Who do I respect?


Women who have fucking balls!!!!!!!!"

Does she have balls?  I don't see an Adam's apple.


"Men with fucking eyeliner. You rock."
Yeah, rock the cock.

"Men who hustle...legally.

Except the mafia, gotta admit, there's a sick twisted sexy sense in that..just minus the horses head part.

Men who hustle to have me hehe...so much effort///so little have succeeded. I should stick to carpeting...now let's see how many of you twits figure that one the FUCK out."
I'm bored with you


























Well there you have it.  Al Gore has given his official statement.  This WOTW has been given the okay by Al Gore.  Remember Al Gore knows best.  Or does Andy Reid know best?  I guess we should ask Andy what he thinks too.
















Oh shit are you okay Andy?  I think he's having a heart attack, someone call 911!




















No Andy I didn't.  You really had me scared.  We can't lose our favorite guest.



Just some random shit from her profile in case you don't have MySpace to look at her profile now, or just do not want to look at her profile at all.  








Please link to this WOTW using this picture.









Well that is all I got to say about this WOTW.   I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, and as always tune into Sunday Services tonight at 10 PM.    


-Derrick



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