Just over a month ago I was debating on whether or not to ever write another DCWOTW. Yet, here I am writing it two weeks in a row. For those of you that pay attention, that means that the person writing this is none other than me, Gerald Young. What a penisy thing for me to say. "None other than me," like I'm something special.
 
 
Why am I writing this 2 weeks in row? Is it because I am an attention whore? Well, yeah, but also because Derrick is even lazier than I am. I didn't think anyone could be lazier than me. Hell, I haven't even found a whore to showcase this week. Apparently, I am too lazy to even sit in a chair and search MySpace for a proper skank to salute this week.
 
 
I'll get to finding a whore in a little bit. Which means that I will just be typing shit off the top of my head without a real message to convey. That's kind of dumb. I mean, this is the Whore of the Week; not "give Gerald a chance to say whatever he wants to say." Damn, I feel like Rickey Henderson talking about Gerald in third person. Well, Rickey would talk about Rickey and not Gerald because that wouldn't be third person if he were to talk about him. Me. Shit all of this grammatical person is confusing me so much that I forgot who Gerald was. Is. Are.
 
 
Did I mention that I am buzzed?
 
 
For those of you that don't know who Rickey Henderson is, suck Rickey's left nut because Rickey would tell Rickey to tell you to suck Rickey's left nut. I provided a link there for those of you that hate baseball so much that chose to live under a rock to avoid it at all costs. Rickey spoke a lot in the third person. And, since I am wasting your time, and haven't searched for a WOTW yet, here are three of my favorite Rickey quotes about Rickey:
 
 
Towards the end of his career, Rickey called the San Diego Padres and left this message: This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.
 
 
Rickey once struck out and was walking back to the dugout. The next batter coming to the plate heard Rickey say this as he was walking by: Don't worry, Rickey, you're still the best.
 
 
Ken Caminiti, dead, once estimated that 50% of players were on steroids. Rickey was told this and he said: Well, Rickey's not one of them, so that's 49% right there."
 
 

 
Ok, so that was me somehow incorporating one of the best baseball players EVER into the DamnCrackers.Com Whore of the Week. I can pretty much do whatever I want. What's Derrick going to do, not write the WOTW when it's his turn?
 
 
I suppose I should go whore hunting. Maybe I'll use one of the links that people sent me last week, thinking they could possibly win a lifetime supply of Turtle Wax. It's a good thing that a lifetime supply is only one bottle. It's an even better thing that I am not sending the winner any Turtle Wax. HaHa! I lied. I would totally love to do that on a real game show. "Oh, a car? You thought you won a car? Here's some nothing instead."
 
 
I suppose I should find a whore. Kind of funny that I put a link about Paris Hilton saying that she's celibate. Especially since she just paid to fuck me 2 nights ago. Yeah, I'm a whore, but I needed a new STD. I mean, I needed some new guitar strings. Yes, I'm a cheap whore. I'll lick your vagina for a guitar pic. Ok, off to find a whore.
 
 
 
 
It has been a half hour and I never went and searched a whore out. Searched a whore out? I feel like one of those scuzzy guys you see arriving at the bar at 1:49 am. They come in and they quickly access the situation. Then, boom goes the dynamite. They spot the fat chick in leather pants. He walks up to her and says, "You're with me, leather."
 
 
Ooh, 2 web-gems in one paragraph. I win.  
 
 
 
I wanted to be creative with this WOTW. I suppose that we can do the next best thing and get Derrick to write something.  
 
 
Ok, that's twice that D is hating me since I started writing this. He sent me an email earlier, after I sent him the basic foundation for this floozy, and said that he will write it because he is not lazy.
 
 
Liar.
 
 
 Maybe not. Let's see what he comes up with. Derrick, it's all yours from here on out. I sent you the whore, now fuck her like Ron Jeremy after 2 days of celibacy.
 
 

 
 Thank God that is over you say to yourself as Gerald leaves this virtual classroom and hands the chalk and board over to someone who can actually get something done.  Damn he writes too much.  Write write write write write, that is all he does.  Boring.  And on top of that, he tries to steal the WOTW from me.  That is like taking double stuffed oreos dipped in chocolate syrup, sprinkled with those multi-colored sprinkles in a bowl of hand churned ice cream away from a fat kid.  You just don't do it unless you want to lose your arm.  

Oh yeah, G money picked this weeks whore.  

Princess 
The STD has spread to her arm.  


This WOTW really pisses me off.  "Why is that Derrick?  You never get pissed off!"  Oh you know me so well, I never get mad at these whores.  Well not very often at least.  
The reason that this bitch pisses me off so much is because she tries to act, "gangster".  Go look at her page, you will understand.  She has pictures of rappers like this one up:


"This heres our spank rag.  Do I have any pubs in my grill?"


Vegas 702 asks-"Can you put a grill on British teeth?"

"Ahh that's not so bad Derrick, leave her alone!"
Well then Mr. Subconscious, check out this picture of her acting "gangster."



"This is for the bourbons and the cadillacs."
 
"She is just expressing her inner self, get off her case!"

Okay random messages telling me what I should do.  I have one more piece of information for you.  She is from England, United Kingdom, Dentist less Island, Land of frogs.  Wait, the last one wasn't correct.  Either way you have to understand my hatred for her now.

"Yes, Derrick, I do.  She pisses you off because she has all this American culture stuff on her page, and is trying to act like she is American but in essence, she is just a Frog, I mean Brit."

You got it quotation mark man.  
I don't know what is worse.  A Wigger or a Engerican.  If you can't figure that last one out because you dropped out of school, blamed it on some made up disorder like ADD and smoked pot all day long because you were socially unacceptable, I will explain it to you.  Well actually I will just give you two words you go from there.  English American.  

On to her profile.  Which I must say is lacking in content for me to use against her.  She does have some blogs, so hopefully they will assist me in this whore charge I must bring against her in the Damn Crackers court of whores.  












Your honorable Judge Gore, please look at the following evidence I have found that proves this bitch, excuse me, stupid bitch is a whore worthy of being the Damn Crackers WOTW.

First your honor we have the standard "whore" photograph.  


As you can see we have the back/ass shot with some wal-mart panties.  Though in this case we cannot determine if they are in fact from Wal-mart due to this whore in question being from England and the lack of Wal-mart products in the aforementioned country.  Though she could have had them imported or she could have bought them on e-bay.  
Next in this picture we see the lower back tattoo or load landing pad.  This is not an automatic guilty charge by itself but when coupled with the wal-mart panties and the back photo, it is a tell tale sign of a whore.


We will now look at another picture in the defendants general information section.

This black and white photo, probably taken at the local city government center for myspace addicts, shows us the defendant has a hatred for the government.  Or does it?  This whore tries so hard to be an "American gangster" in her profile that this picture is just another one of her attempts to makes us believe that she is the "real deal" and not just another loser that claims to hate America but steals everything they can from our culture.  "What does this have to do with her being the Damn Crackers WOTW?"  You ask.   Well then I would tell you, not too much, except that us here at Damn Crackers look at women who are not just whores; but stupid, ignorant whores.  And in this case I believe we are proving our case against the defendant in both instances.   


Other profile pictures to be entered into evidence.

"Ready for the doggy style."                                          "Guess where my finger is."

Your honor, these pictures show us how much this whore should be the DCWOTW.  Why share this type of content with people unless you wish to, "compromise principles for personal gain."  Which is one definition of the word whore.  But your honor, I am sure you already know this.  


I will now bring your attention to her profile main page where we have this bundle of images in list fashion.  

The last image is actually a scrolling banner image that displays many pictures that are very close to the ones as seen above.  At this time your honor I would like to enter it into evidence and let the jury know that the defendant does not list anywhere on her page that she has or is on a porn site, or is a stripper/model.  This may make the jury think, "is he being paid off by this whore to help get her off?"  And the answer is no, and if you ever think that again I will come to your house, eat your children and then make you watch Oprah for 7 days straight.
The reason I point out that she does not claim any of the aforementioned things is that this makes her a myspace whore even more than women who claim those things.  The defendant has put these pictures out there for everyone to see, not to promote a site or get her career off.  But to just put half naked pictures of herself on the web.  I think at this point I can rest my case.  

  
 
 
 

Andy I wish you were the judge, but unfortunately you are not and we must wait for the verdict.

























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