original article

FREDERICK, Maryland (AP) -- Hood College is reviewing its homecoming rules after a lesbian was crowned king, a college official said. [The college official also said, "Two years ago we had a hermaphrodite win both. So what's the big fucking deal]

Jennifer Jones [known by her friends as, Butch], the 21-year-old senior who beat out [when I first read this I swore it said, "beat up"] three men for the honor, said the crowning was a positive step for the private liberal arts college. [Oh, private liberal arts college. It's 2006 and this is just now happening? Come to think of it, didn't the chick that played a dude in this 1985 classic, http://imdb.com/title/tt0089393/, also win Homecoming King?]

"It is cool that Hood [too funny that the college is called Hood] allows people to be themselves [but hinders those that are themselves. IE... not letting MEN win Homecoming KING]," Jones told The Frederick News-Post. "If people didn't want me to be king, they wouldn't have nominated me and voted for me." [She then took out her cock and said, "Have you ever seen anything this big before?"]

Jones, of Newark, Delaware, received 64 of 169 votes [no wonder I have never heard of Hood College. More people lived in Mayberry] cast for king last month.
More than two weeks after Jones was crowned, criticism and praise were still rippling through the 2,100-student campus in western Maryland. [After all, it's the biggest news since this "huge college" expanded their library from "shack" to "hut" status.]

"She is not a man," said Singleton Newman [very observant, SINGLETON], a 22-year-old senior who was nominated for queen. "It is a gender issue, and she is a woman." [This had to be the most awkward King/ Queen Dance EVER! I wonder if the lesbian kept getting too close and a chaperon had to keep putting a balloon between them.]

Santo Provenzano, 21, who competed for king, said Jones' selection made the event seem like a joke. "It discourages guys from wanting to take part in the future," he said. [" Discourages guys from participating in the future." Like spreading our seed to ensure that the human race can carry on? I'm all for lesbians, but when my dad taught me the birds and the bees he didn't tell me the part about how bumping donuts helped produce other donuts. There has to be a Long John in there somewhere. I like how I just turned a birds and bees talk with your son into a Krispy Kreme analogy. Homer Simpson would be proud.]

Donald Miller, Hood's student activities director, said all homecoming events will be reviewed and possibly changed. "We will look at what students want Hood's homecoming to be," he said.

It was only the second annual homecoming for the school. Men started attending Hood in 1971 [this doesn't seem too weird to me now] but the school didn't become fully coeducational until 2003 when men were permitted to live on campus for the first time.

Jones tried to run for homecoming prince last year, but a student committee wouldn't let her on the ballot even though she had gathered the required number of signatures on nominating petitions. [Persistent little lesbo, she is.]
Miller said a rule change this year abolished the petitions and required that candidates be nominated by student ballots. [A rule change might not be enough. It might take a sex change.]

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. [I never followed rules as a child, why should I start now?]

- Gerald Young. Not a member of the AP and totally breaking "All rights reserved." There are no rights reserved when it comes to a funny story like this.