Wow, my first Myspace Whore of the Week! I'm so excited, I don't know if I'll have time to change my pants! What I thought would be a great task to undertake, became a excruciating undertaking. I never thought that seeing so many breasts and ass would be so difficult. It must be like viewing pornography in Hell. I had to find the right girl who seems easy, takes softcore pictures of herself, and portrays that right amount of skankdom. There were many themes to choose from, fat whore, hairy whore, old whore, young whore, tranny whore, etc. Who should I choose? Then, it came to me from my very own friends list. Now, I must admit that I don't really know more than half of my friends on my site. I think I had a brief period of add me mania when I first joined myspace. Still, one of these non-pornstar or exotic models must meet the criteria of DamnCrackers most prestigious honor (by the way, real porn stars and exotic models are excluded. Chosing those girls would be like shooting fish in a barrel, too easy.) So, I decided to go with the good time girl every college man knows on campus, the sorority whore. Ladies and gentlemen, meet...

Nothing says drunk college girl like bare armpits, Hurricane malt liquor, and what appears to be a bull fighter's cape for a dress. To protect her privacy, let's just say that Adrienne attends a large East Coast university where the football coach is older than the library. Likewise, I'm sure Adrienne has grabbed more tight ends than a linebacker. Her profile begins, "Hey guys, it's Adrienne and i'll sum it all up for you right now, I LIKE TO HAVE FUNNNN!!!" Now, what type of fun do you think Adrienne means? Studying DesCartes in the quad? A competitive game of chess? Or having a faceful of fraternity gravy after a mixer with the Pi Kapps?

"I attend [my school] for forensic criminalistics! I'm a sister in Gamma Phi Beta and i absolutely L-O-V-E it! I love my roomie so freaking much, Amanda and next year we're going to have our own place together with Julie (shits gonna be nuttts!!)" Look out Toledo, looks like you're going to have another member in your CSI!!! And I bet her speciality will be analyzing body fluids, right Grissom? Looks like there is going to be another brothel opening up off campus between her and her roomie. Exactly, how is the "shits gonna be nuttts!!" Are they going to have free rent? Give handjobs for the heating bill?

She doesn't tell us her GPA, but whether she's smart like Rainman or dumb as a brick, I bet when she is not too hungover to attend class she always smells like syphillis. Her professor must adore her questions, like, "Um...professor, how much fluid can an average female's rectum hold?"

But unfortunately boys, Adrienne says, "I'm n o t s i n g l e a n y m o r e because i finally found a great guy, Chris :) but just because i'm taken doesn't mean i'm with him 24/7, i'm in college, duhh and i still like to go have a good time with my ladiess" This sentence is really what earns Adrienne the coveted MySpace WOTW. This poor shitbag Chris gets thrown to the side whenever Adrienne want to have a good time, especially with her ladies. Here are a few examples of that good time...

Now, I don't know what a chuggler is, but I bet it involves being on your knees a whole lot. Also, Adrienne's friend sure knows how to show the camel toe. Wow? Is that a whole hoof in her panties? Here is another good picture of "having a good time with the ladies!!!"

Now I didn't caption this picture, she did. So, I don't want any defamation suits coming DamnCrackers way. Santa would be proud to have these ladies in his stable. That is, if Santa was an Arctic Circle pimp who films German bestiality videos for sick sites on the internet. Maybe he does. Hmmm, well, I'll have to write about that later. Now, I know sororities have changed since I've been to school, but I really don't remember walking down Greek row on the way to Dr. Sion's planetary atmospheres class and seeing this....

What the hell kinda course is kiddie pool naked rinsing? Do you think Daddy enjoys paying $30,000 a year for her forensic science degree to waste it on lesbian bikini washing? Maybe they are playing body contamination and cleaning each other off before the chemicals absorb into their skin. That outside class activity is extra credit in my book. Anyway, here is to you MySpace WOTW Adrienne. Your wild sorority antics have put you right to the top. Enjoy college while it lasts. I know you made this professor proud.